this is bullshit.

Day 2!

2011-07-29T16:26:00.005+08:00

was supposed to do this as soon as possible before my memory gets fuzzy and its getting fuzzier day by day already. i dread the day i'll forget how bearbear and cap oppa looks like :( hope oreum can contact them for us, sigh! anyway, day 2 was mostly just shopping at myungdong and then we walked around hongdae at night.

I was quite excited to be shopping at myungdong, because i heard there were sooo many shops there. and like hello, i havent been shopping for the past 2 months just to save up for this trip! Things there were pretty expensive but i managed to get some stuff (my pink polka dot bag and my chiffon shirt!). it was pretty nice walking around though, the stuff there looks so awesome, and if it wasn't so expensive, i would have bought so much more :/ went to many different skin and face care shops like nature republic, face shop, too cool for school! normally i wouldnt buy, but i think zhiyun is a bad influence on me cause i kept buying :D

Walked around for a bit because deciding to head for lunch at this sushi restaurant that zhiyun tried before. Went in and omg, so many post-its! and i've come to realised like alot of these small cafes and restaurants like to do these kinda stuff, quite cool actually. i ordered unagi sushi and zhiyun ordered this rainbow sushi hahaha. was quite good! i finished everything :D yummmm

after lunch, we went f21! told myself i was gonna go crazy buying all those clothes and i really did went nuts, but i didnt buy as much as i wanted to. oh well. can buy somemore here in sg! zhiyun didnt buy anything, was quite guilty cause she was just following me arnd while i looked and tried on clothes. went to h&m afterwards and bought 2 tops! the tube top is 3000 won, so cheappppppp. cannot take it. after that i think we went to artbox. haha i dont know why we keep visiting these kinda shops and buying so much, but i bought something for elle. dont even know when i can even give her, or even whether i'll rmb to give or not.

after artbox, we decided to make our way to hongdae to walk around. dumped our shopping bags back at the hostel and went to trick eye museum! took us a while to find it, and we spent sooo much time there. took many embarrassing photos, did alot of shit, laughed alot hahaha, it was damn fun. didnt know how much time we actually spent there but we were the last people to go out. we were super hungry so we tried looking for meat. went to this shop which looked so busy and smelt so good. BUT THEY SOLD INTESTINES! i was so worried for a moment because i dont eat intestines, yuck. in the end they only sold one non-intestine dish. wasn't really meat but its quite good too. we didnt finish all the cabbage though, cause i dont eat vege!

after dinner, we walked around a bit and i was really surprised at the amount of people walking around on a sun night! it was pretty damn late too but i guess seoul's night life is super active even on sun nights! we decided to head back to the hostel to have an early night for tmr's tiring schedule cause we're going to go cabi!

day 1

2011-07-27T22:50:00.004+08:00

I never thought i would be blogging but the recent trip to Korea really makes me wanna write all my experiences down so that i will never forget the awesome people i've met, the awesome food i've tried and all the awesome places i've been to. I'm really having major korea withdrawals now, am so tempted to get on the next flight to korea right now!

On the 16th of July 2011, a Saturday! I woke up ridiculously early at 5am, and proceeded to get ready for the most awesome trip of my life. Left the house at around 7 and reached around 7.30am and met Zhiyun at the carpark! We checked in our luggage and surprisingly my luggage was still lighter than hers considering how much i overpacked and all. Said goodbye to our parents and thats when my mum saw zhiyun and her mum hugged and wanted to hug me too. HAHA but i refused the hug. checked in to immigration and zhiyun couldn't get through the fingerprint scanner. Went to grab some breakfast at burgerking then just walked around until it was time for us to board.

We went to the boarding gate and waited a damn long time. then suddenly, we heard this loud commotion of people cheering and clapping. when i turned to look, i suddenly see a large crowd of people walking to our gate, and i saw 2ne1! i think i practically froze in my seat. Turned to zhiyun who was on my left and said damn excitedly, OMG I THINK I SAW 2NE1. OMG OMG. we decided to start queuing so we can see them upclose even further. Alot of their managers and stylists were queuing up too, it was honestly truly so exciting! I've never experienced these kind of stuff before so omg, i was so happy. it was like a start for all the awesome things that would happen to us on the trip. Anyway, the idols obviously boarded first, and we actually walked though business class and saw 2ne1. but we kept our cool, and totally didnt freak out. it was only after we got into our seats that we totally went nuts. we were sitting so close somemore! it was awesomeeeee :D

Anyway, the flight was ok (we had ice cream!), we were actually planning on how to get out of the plane as quickly as possible so that we can see 2ne1. and WE DID IT. we saw them so we decided to walk quickly, and was walking behind them, like really directly behind them. there were only 4 of them, without their stylists and managers. so we continued walking for a good distance and then we sped up so that we were walking right beside them, but i guess then they stopped to wait for their managers so we continued to walk without them. when we knew we were out of sight, we started giggling like crazy. HAHA went down the escalators to wait for the train, and i think we were really so damn lucky because they went to the exact same carriage as us. they were directly opposite us, and stared at us. i think they were wondering about all our cool reactions cause we were really so indifferent towards them. but inside, i think i was squealing over and over again. I think if big bang was there, i would have gone crazy.

we walked to immigration, gosh they took so long! and went to get our luggages. zhiyun couldnt get any reception, so she was contemplating on renting a phone. in the end she didnt. we walked to the subway, and took express train! it was sooooo ex, and it didnt alight us at the stop we needed to go to :( but it was sooo comfy, and really let me have a really good nap. I was so tired from the plane ride and the early morning. we got a bit lost at the station and had to ask around to find our way. when we reached hongkik uni station, we got lost finding our hostel HAHA the directions are sooo bad, but we asked around again and finally found it. It was such a long walk in, and it was drizzling a bit, and left puddles of water everywhere :( 5 min my foot! after much walking we found the hostel, and went in looking all sweaty and messy haha. we met all 4 managers! and they were laughing at us cause we were all sweaty and all. the managers were really friendly. hannah showed us to our rooms while gaya, barbara and moon sat in their office. our room is so awesome seriously! there was a bunk bed and another queen bed for just 2 people! after hannah showed us the room, we started to settle down and unpack and change into something more comfy.

Decided to order in chicken because we were too damn lazy to walk out. went down to the managers and asked them to help us order hahaha. and they were eating pizza, SMELT SO GOOD. and thats when we decided to order pizza also HAHA. ordered their plain fried chicken with some sauce and omg its heavenly. beats any fried chicken i've tasted so far! it was so tender, so juicy and such a big helping! the sauce was superrr good too. we ate until we were so damn full. sat around for a while, and we started thinking if we should club or not. Took us a while to decide but in the end we decided to go! because it was a sat night, so we thought it would be good to experience the night life in seoul! we asked gaya and he recommended M2. there were no rnb clubs though, so it was pretty sad.

We got ready, put on our makeup and stuff and went down. met some foreign diplomats who were going clubbing too. so we decided to go with them and all. shared cab, didnt pay. zhiyun said that the foreign diplomat (sorry cant rmb his name) was a gentleman cause he cld have squeezed with us but he chose not to and sat in front. went to club nb2. i was so excited because the atmosphere was oh so awesome, there were SOOO MANY ppl walking arnd. so the bouncer was a bit touchy and he patted zhiyun or something for i dont know what reason. anw, we got in and omg it was so squeezy seriously. beats any club in sg. it was squeezy until i cldnt breathe. everyone was pushing arnd, and i was pushed arnd until i nearly fell. it was that bad. anw, we went to get drinks first. the diplomats got us tequila shots, which i have never tried but anw we drank them, it was quite awesome! burned the throat and made you feel warm all over. the diplomats also bought us a beer but we decided to go dance without them because the guy who shared our cab was holding zhiyun's waist. eww. so we tried to dance but the music was quite terrible, like seriously how to dance to rap songs after rap songs?! at least must have some melody right! and korean guys, they are so damn horny and touchy! we were surrounded on all sides, and they just kept touching us. putting their hands on our waist, ok bearable but we still pushed their hand away. but groping our butts was a huge no-no i was like so shocked the first time it happened, the second time it happened, i turned arnd and stared at the guy. at least he had the decency to run away like a little coward. zhiyun wasn't as lucky, and the guy who groped her actually said 'what? what?' like as if its normal! idiot.

we decided to leave after a while because the music was really bad, i cldnt recognise like 3/4 of their songs. actually make that all their songs, except their korean YG songs. we went outside, and went to get drinks cause we were hell thirsty. some korean guys tried to pick us up but we rejected them cause well, not attracted. HAHAHA then we met paul! hahaha at first we were a bit apprehensive abt him, cause we thought all of them wld be like the guys in the club, but he was persistent and he spoke perfect english cause he's actually from canada. korean full blood but a canadian. he kept asking us to go eat or go drink. zhiyun was such a bitch to him initially! HAHA its actually quite funny now that i think abt it. anw, we relented and went to a nearby shop to eat ricecakes which are so fking spicy i drink a cup of water after just 1 ricecake. anw, he ordered (and paid) and we tried to keep making him finish the whole pot. its damn spicy but so addictive. i wld have ate more if only i wasnt so full and bloated from the chicken. he's pretty nice and funny so we decided to exchange fb hahaha. didnt give him mine though because my fb name is embarrassing. haha but zhiyun added him. in the end he sent us home, and the taxi driver got lost finding our hostel. i felt so bad but we honestly couldnt recognise our hostel because its only our first night! stupid paul said i looked better with my hair tied up, made me so damn self-conscious abt my hair after that. anw, he told me to add him, BUT I DIDNT HAHAHAHA anw, bet he forgot abt us anw!

and that concludes our first night! cant believe we broke the hostel rules on our first night hahaha

2010-11-26T20:17:00.003+08:00

ive got so much to say. but the words wont come out.

what exactly am i doing with my life? i honestly have no idea.

i know where im wrong, why is it so hard to fix my mistake.

im being such a bitch, antisocial and basically someone i really dont want to be.

and you, why wont you notice me?

so much on my mind, someone help me.

2010-07-30T02:30:00.001+08:00

I am growing up,

and it feels really scary.

2010-04-11T23:07:00.002+08:00

don't know why i decided to blog suddenly. maybe i just wanna waste some time until my tv show starts. i realise that recently i always feel so tired, but i just refuse to sleep. its like i've got so many things to do, and i just don't wanna waste any time sleeping.

really wanna start meeting with friends, i think i've lost contact with many. i think its sad that i barely make an effort to organise an outing. don't know whats wrong with me. i keep saying but i don't do anything to honour my words. oh no, how i despise that. i'm not sure if its because i'm afraid of rejection, especially when i put in lots of effort to plan something. and i guess i keep thinking that people wouldn't want to meet with me anyway. argh, where the fuck did my confidence go?

honestly, i think as i grow older, i've become a much more hateful person. i've always thought i was nice enough, friendly enough, but its been proven time and time again that i'm not. sometimes i really hate what i've become. i hope i can really change cause this is really frustrating me.

and the fact that all arnd me, friends are hooking up puts me in an irritable mood. opportunities have presented themselves in front of me, but i always run away. what exactly am i looking for? why do i keep looking for the perfect guy when clearly i know, he doesn't exist. why do i always contradict myself? why must i hurt others? what the hell is wrong with me? maybe i'm mental, why do i tire of others so easily, why can't i be like others? i detest myself.

really looking forward to uni where i can make a fresh start. i wanna change. wanna be hardworking, outgoing, nice and well, overall a much better person than i am now. this time, i will do well, i'll make myself proud. and i really fucking pray that i keep this promise.

2009-08-03T20:13:00.003+08:00

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS OKAYYYYYY! OMG, YOU DID NOT GANG UP WITH MY PARENTS TO SURPRISE ME! omg! i hate you, and here i was, thinking you forgot my birthday. you suckkk.
this is like the 2nd time i got surprised today! omg, everyone who reads this is gonna tell me how stupid i am to not have seen the hints. like what rachel said, becoming 18 has fried my brain. and omg! HANISTAR!!!! you helped them tooooo! and i actually believed your excuses!!! ARGHHHHHH. ok, i'm really stupid. thanks.

twin sis/bestie, i LOVE you for doing the surprise. it was the ULTIMATE present i could get. AND I DON'T NEED ANYMORE PRESENTS, i think a balloon suffices. nor do i need a card. cause i'll forever remember this day. thank you so much for making my day. I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!

2009-08-03T16:02:00.004+08:00

i know i haven't blogged in centuries, but i had this sudden urge to blog about my birthday and thank the many people who have made today such a memorable and enjoyable day for me. anw, i'll go in order of the ppl who wished me.

firstly, i've to thank my family for making my 18th birthday something i'll never forget. it was some sort of initiation to adulthood, i swear. i gotta learn how to drink alcohol cause its a family thing where everyone needs to know how to hold their drink, so i tried champagne. it was my 1st time drinking alcohol(yes, i know i'm innocent), and as much as i want to say its my last, i know my parents won't let it be. OMG, IT TASTED AWFUL and it was supposedly the best alrdy, don something? i think i've never tasted something so awful in my whole entire life. ok, i exaggerate, but i don't like alcoholic drinks. yuck! but anw, dinner was a nice affair, we had nice food(i suppose), and nice atmosphere. and most importantly, i got a watch from my brother and sis-in-law. how sweet right? considering he forgets my birthday for 17 years of my life. i swear, my sis-in-law probably reminded him and bought the present, and he just claimed part of the credit.

1. there's _____. i don't think _____ will see this, but all the same, i still wanna thank _____ for wishing me. its amazing how _____ can still remember my birthday.

2. there's _____. thanks for the wish and the present. you were the first to wish me at 1200am. unlike my mum, who came to chase me off to sleep at 12 plus, and didn't wish me until i ahem ahem, before she finally realised. and no present is too ugly, its the thought that counts. although your present hints that i'm vain, well, i'm not right?

3. SARAHJJJJ. i think you called me in the middle of the night when i was sleeping last year, hahaha. at least i was awake this time, too bad. thanks for screaming happy birthday in my ear in the morning at the canteen WHEN EVERYONE WAS THERE. i think you guys have a tendency to embarass me. andand, abt the not supposed to insult me day, well, it wasn't working, cause you insulted me the whole way. thanks for the surprise though, i really didn't expect that you all would surprise me. and getting shermaine of all ppl to detain me with all her stupid reasons of having to wait for her friends from dunnoe what class.

4. zhiyang! you're 2nd. haha, thanks for wishing me(: and even knowing its my birthday. and for the record, i am NOT the crazy woman.

5. MUUUUU(: fellow 03081991. i miss you so much and i miss the times we could celebrate our birthdays together. it was definitely double the fun. happy birthday to you too yeah? LOVES.

6. charmaine NG! dunnoe if you'll see this, oh but wtheck. gives me more reason to insult you. i think we've gotten so much closer this year cause of many certain similar topics like flabby, and other stuff. i really appreciate getting to know you better, all those bitching sessions, all those sessions where we'll laugh until its impossible to laugh anymore. i think we have the most awkward(est) conversations and we laugh at unfunny stuff. and its all because of you! but anw, thanks for everything dear, for even bothering to stay up to wish me.

7. gabriel. you are such a childish and busybody man. its a bit weird to share the same birthday with you, cause you're like 40 and i'm like 18. hahaha, big age gap huh

8. hanistar. youyou are just so damn sweet. you weren't 1st in wishing me, but nv mind, you were the first in wishing me in school! thanks for all those hugs and advice you've given me. it helps to know you're there. you cheer up yeah? i'm always here if you need me.

9, 10, 11, 12, 13. joshua, edward, colin, robin and jiasheng. thanks for the wish in facebook! and yes i did party hard/drink!

14. krystal. ok, this really came as a surprise. i don't recall talking to you in school, but you still bothered to wish me? thats really sweet and touching! thanks dear(:

15. pockthong. thanks for wishing me too. although i would rather you leave out the ah ma in all those birthday messages.

16. pinMA. thanks for wishing me. and the present too! it was really insulting, but funny at the same time.

17. kewei: thanks for the wish!

18: jinli: thanks for thw wish and the present. it was really very touching cause i know you all put some effort into it, instead of just buying random stuff.

19. sherman. thanks for the wish!

20. steven. you message is a bit filled with smileys huh. thanks for the wish(: and i'm not an old girl, thanks.

21. wen siu. thanks for the wish!

22. louise. thanks for the card dear! it was really really sweet. and 1 week in advance is crazy, omg. hahaha you kaisu or what.

23. SHERLOO. hello dear, were you purposely late today? anw, you really suck, i can't believe i believed all your stupid reasons for trying to detain me. i was so stupid! haha. but still thank you anw, for the cake and song(:

24. sus! you! thanks for celebrating my birthday today. and singing the song, even though it was kind of interrupted by mr seet, who actually wanted to confiscate my cake!

25. nishanthi. MIRRITATING! how are you? i haven't seen in like, oh 2 years? HAHAHA. and i guess you'll give me that diao face you always give me when i laughed like that. thanks for remembering my birthday for the past 2 years even after we've left cedar. take care dear, i'll be seeing you soon(:

26. MXTOH. YOU STUPID STUPID GRIL. HOW CAN YOU BE SO MEAN TO ME? the 'draw a picture of yourself' thing is really mean, omg. the 2 circles weren't even equal!! and the pictures!! omg! all so unglam!! how can you do this to me? and you showed the choir ppl all my unglam photos and the stick figure you drew? AHHHHH. you throw my face alrdy. but the description was really funny, haha. i laughed when i read it. thanks for the present(:

27. MARLI. i know you can't come to school to embarrass me, but asking your classmates to shout 'happy birthday' to me in the lecture theatre was totally uncalled for. but i still love you:D take care and come back soon kay?

28. syikin. thanks for wishing me dear, hope you'll be able to join us for an outing soon(:

29: yuelong. thanks for the message. AND I CAN READ CHINESE.

30. marcus. hello dear cousin, i am not very small, little or tiny. i'm actually 160cm. but thanks for remembering(:

31. wanling. omg! i miss you so much. its been really long since i've last saw you. take care and thanks for remembering.

32. 08s44 thanks for celebrating my birthday! and buying minty cake that really tastes like colgate. haha and girls: thanks for the stickers(: i do love stickers!

33. altos and a few choir ppl: thanks for the present guys! it was really thoughtful and sweet, although insulting. haha.

34. lastly, all the random ppl who wished me today. i don't know how you guys know, but thanks all the same(: i'm sorry i can't list out all of you, but i really gotta get ready for dinner now. and i can't exactly remember everyone, so whoever i left out, just know that i still appreciate whatever you guys did for me today.

2009-03-12T23:36:00.003+08:00

is this the end of our friendship? after 5 years of tears and laughter, you're calling it off because of her. thanks for showing me how much i mean to you. i've told you before, i always want to be your best friend/twin sis, whatever. and that doesn't change. but if you wish to give me up as your friend, i won't say anything to stop you. if you think i haven't done enough as compared to ____, then i've got nothing to say.

thanks for all the happy memories you gave to me.

and you. it hurts so much when you act indifferent to me. even if things didn't work out, it doesn't mean we can't be friends.

2009-03-06T18:01:00.005+08:00

i cried so much today, i'm tired.

there's just so many things going on, i can't seem to cope. all around me, people are breaking down, and it pains me to see that. cause there's nothing i can do, i can't even take care of myself.

just 2 more days to cts, and i'm so unprepared. its like j1 all over again. i really don't want to experience failure yet again.

its soo unfair that ppl who skip/pon/sleep during lessons can actually do better than me. why is the world so unfair?

what have i done to deserve all of this?

2009-01-24T15:41:00.007+08:00

its been two weeks since school's started and boy, am i exhausted. haha. this week has been fine, didn't have much stuff going on, got back both econs and maths, and i'm happy to say i've passed all 3 r papers. in your face ____.

the only thing worth mentioning was cny celebration, half day! yay(: house had some fashion walk thing and lion dance. although aquila's music was screwed up, it was overall ok. i had to wear this tight-fitting cheongsam which restricted me in a way that i can't sit or bend down. it was awfully uncomfortable. we didn't really do much so we can't expect to win. hahaha. but its alright, cheerleading champs is ours for the taking. hah. ended the celebrations with mass dances and lots of cheering. I LOVE MASS DANCE(:

and house den finally has food supplies, i can finally go and pig out there.

so anw, choir ended really early today, whoots! could go home and catch up on my sleep and all.

to bing and eugene:
although i'm fairly sure you guys won't be finding this blog anytime soon, but if you happen to read my blog without my knowing, let's not emo any longer kay? bing, i know juggling house and soccer is hard, but you can do it! if not, the seniors wouldn't put you as capt.
eugene: you always seem so happy and crazy, and i'll be a fool if i think you don't have your own problems. thanks for trying to stay happy and cheering us up even when you're down. we'll get through this.

oh and charmaine, i may not know what you're going through, but do cheer up too kay?

reply tags:
jeanette: hello(:
o8s44: who are you?
sher: haha it wouldn't be effective cause half the time, i'll be laughing at you and your stupid actions. i know i have you all and i treasure each one of you very much. i'm sorry i haven't been able to meet you in the morning, sorry:/ i promise, next week i will.
ZY: i know, and we're gonna get through this year. after that, i'm not giving them face anymore.
marcus: haha no wonder you're a ladies man! such a sweet-talker.
=P: i don't want! hahaha, see how lah. studies are still my first priority.

btw, if you're wondering abt the change in font size, its actually because its to cater to some people who are blind.

2009-01-17T23:26:00.005+08:00

someone commented to someone that i'm vulgar. like i use the f word quite often. sorry. from now on, i'll try my very best to cut down on my vulgarities. so whenever i'm pissed, i'll say ____ you. okay?

and i'm sorry if you're hurt by my post, but i'm not gonna hide the fact that i'm really pissed at you.

2009-01-17T22:17:00.007+08:00

'we can't all be dreamers.'

i think that's about the only quote i can remember from lit book, sense of belonging. oh how i miss those times, when studies were interesting. i think i'm like the protagonist, always so impractical and unrealistic. i wish for this, i wish for that. i wish to get into Harvard, haha yeah i know its funny. cause i'm stupid right? f**k you. you don't know how much it hurts when you scoff at my dreams. we'll see who has the last laugh okay. i'm getting into Harvard or some other prestigious university no matter what.

hello everyone, today is a bad bad day. ogl refresher course was fun, i'm beginning to like the og, i'm glad i decided to give it another shot. choir wasn't as fun. firstly i had to rush out and abandon my lovely, newly-made friends, hah who am i kidding, i only made like err 3? haha but ok whatever. anw, as i was saying, i had to go early cause kwei messed up the timing, so in the end, choir ended like at 1.30++, and tuition was at like 4.45. like wth, what was i supposed to do to kill time? and some really nice friend of mine decided to ps me last minute to see her boyfriend. thanks. that was bloody nice. and on top of that, i HAVE NO MONEY AND NO E-ZLNK CARD. so how was i supposed to get my lunch? am i supposed to walk from siglap to parkway? and of course, she wouldn't give a damn about that right? cause her boyfriend's just so important. anw, i called my mum who was having some appointment to pick me up and she had to rush down just to pick me up. and oh, did i mention i was also freaking starving?! so i waited for 1 and a half hours in pain cause i'm so hungry, while my friend happily goes dating.

i never would have done what she did. or maybe i did. and if i did, i'm sorry. i just realised how terribly it hurts when someone does that to you.

i'm sorry but i'm not some toy you throw aside when your boyfriend comes along. you have to draw the line cause if you continue like this, when something happens, you'll find you have no friends to turn to. i'm not gonna be that patient idiot. go find someone else.

and a certain someone kind of embarrassed me today in front of people. and not like teasing or anything but that kind that really throws my face. i'm so freaking angry at that person. like hello? i don't think its funny, i just heh only BECAUSE i couldn't get the f**king note okay. i'm not like musically inclined or what so pls get off your almighty chair and see for once that not everyone has perfect pitch. and i'm trying my f**king best so i don't need those kind of smartass comments. you've no right to embarrass me like that. and the only reason why i don't fire back at you ( you know i have a bad temper) is because i respect you, and i don't wish to throw your face either. i could simply say yeah, i think its bloody funny, you not happy ah? so pls show some respect to me.

choir is bullshit okay. no one shows respect, its disgusting. as long as you're not good at singing, you'll be the laughing stock. as long as you're different, you're an outcast, you're ostracised. hello, you need to realise people have feelings. all those rumours i heard are damn true lah.

i've had enough lah. its hard to juggle choir/house/studies/tuition. honestly, i think i'm going crazy. i know some ppl may think, how hard can it be? its just choir afterall. haha, but you'll never know until you're in choir. its just so arghhh. and i'm not aiming for a pass you know? i'm actually aiming for all a's. and harvard, as you can see from above. i know ppl have done it before, but i'm not ppl, i'm nicole ng, if i cannot means i cannot. so stop pushing me off the edge alrdy. i'm trying my best!

whatever man, i'm just gonna give it 1 last shot before i quit. and since i've posted this, there's no turning back. after that, its goodbye, and i'm sorry man, if i let down my friends, but there's just a limit to how much shit i can take. i'm not someone you play around with, i'm an individual and i have my own opinions. you're not manipulating me.

i'm sorry if this post offends people, but honestly, right now when tears are running down my face, i don't give a f**king damn.

2009-01-10T19:29:00.002+08:00

i am going to cry.

i am screwed up garbage.

its not supposed to hurt this much.
i'm not supposed to feel remorse.

2009-01-09T19:05:00.007+08:00

today's the 9th and its amazing how time flies. it feels like just yesterday when i first entered vj and now i'm on my way to my 2nd and last year.

i've made many friends, but true friends are really hard to find. time and again, i let myself be hurt by those i consider important, yet i failed to see that i was invisible in their eyes. oh, how many times i have denied the truth, i'm such a fool. i rarely acknowledge those who have stood by me and were able to pick up on whatever that's troubling my mind. and to these people who have my back, i apologise.

i guess i'm as imperfect as everyone out there.

i'm about done with my r papers, and i hope that i've finally gotten back control over my studies. its quite discomforting to worry abt results, especially when i never had to. my mum doesn't want me to go overseas in june, and frankly, i don't want to go either. i'm not gonna make the same mistakes i did last year, no chance in hell. but when i think about all the fun i'll be missing...its such a hard decision to make :(

you know what? i'm not looking forward to orientation at all. maybe i won't go in the end, i'll just find some excuse to skip. why? cause i feel so unattached to the og. like i don't know people there, and its kinda late for me to like bond with people. i mean, it took me months to bond with comers. ok, forget it. you guys probably don't understand what i'm saying.

anyway, this post was really created because of this person who has made me experience so many ups and downs in our friendship. there are countless of times i have been let-down by you. you're always giving me these reasons, and i find i'm starting to doubt you. part of the reason as to why i doubt you is because you barely tell me anything anymore. remember how we used to tell each other everything? i know i'm a bad person, i should not even think of doubting you, but its just been too hard to push these negative feelings away. and some of the reasons you present me were extremely ridiculous. i don't understand how this person you've known for barely a year can make you forget someone who has befriended you for 5 years. am i that insignificant in your life? do i not interest you as much? or is it because i'm unable to hurt you as much as that person does?

maybe you feel i'm being demanding, so be it but i'm over giving in, i'm over pretending everything's fine. i've failed as a friend. i should have done more. and i should not have encouraged you down that road. that path is sinful and you know it. f**k! even your religion oposes it. i don't understand. i really don't understand what's going through your mind.

i know after all i've said here, we'll probably get into a big fight, but i won't forgive you this time. i cannot. not until you really understand what i meant. i can't have you going back to your old ways a week later. its just doesn't go that way.

sometimes its unbearable the way you treat me, but i still love you all the same. i just wish you treat me at least a margin better, because believe it or not, i treasure this friendship alot, and every little thing you do can break me. and i'm here to lend a listening ear, i'm not here as a trophy friend or something. i'm willing to stay up nights helping you solve your problems. but its only if you're willing to.

reply tags:
elle: see what i meant? where's all those stuff you promised me?
mingxin: since when! you alrdy got ahemm, pls be a little more faithful, or at least more discreet. haha. cause last time, i emo what. and i know i rock, thanks.
sarahj: oh thanks, you only miss the annoying me part huh? great friend!
lichu: how's everything going on?
sunanda: oh wow, want a medal? ahah, kidding. thanks.

2008-12-14T00:13:00.003+08:00

OH MAN, I'M STUFFED.
today was caroling plus house 5G gathering.

caroling was as usual, boring, the fun's beginning to wear off now.
maybe the hotel ones would be better.
saw lichu today! it was such a pleasant surprise :D
and my lips are sealed, lichu, so don't fret.
my mum was there too, cause she was going to fetch me back to school after caroling.
OH, and there's this like angel/mortal game, or something along that concept, and we'll have to buy something, i think.
but how the hell am i supposed to know what to buy for a guy?

anw, after caroling, i rushed down to school.
they were blaming me for not coming earlier, but i didn't have a choice!
there weren't alot of ppl, most of them left by the time i got there.
we had bbq, and it was torture.
and now the whole house com know abt it, like thanks.
after bbq, we just sat around to play truth, no dare
and surprise surprise! they just keep sabo-ing me.
most of us left around 10 after cleaning up.

i came home and ate cause i was hungry, ate 2 roti prata and a plate of rice,
I FEEL SO FAT.
i seriously need to start dieting before its too late.

and good news! well, at least for me anw.
i'm gg ogl camp on monday :D
and i get to go orientation cause of house com duties.
I'M SO UBER HAPPY.
can't wait for mass dance :D

and thats all for today.

reply tags:
someone special: oh yeahh. SURE. hahaha btw, your name is really really original.
=P: i know! omg, i love it lah. it looks so much more cheery and friendly, reflects my personality, don't you think? haha :D

2008-12-07T22:54:00.003+08:00

today has been pretty tiring.
cycled from around 4 to 6, 2 whole hours!
and we cycled to some god forsaken place,
before we decided to head back.
by then, i was pretty exhausted.
so much for choir ppl having stamina eh?

it was great to meet up with my class,
haven't seen them in a loooong time.
i think i'm being too antisocial nowadays.

had dinner at shoduku(?) pasta, and i'm so full.
their serving portions were quite big.

i don't really have much to blog abt actually,
its just been a tiring day,
and i'm not looking forward to the aches tmr.

reply tags:
passerby: okayy. thanks for the info.

2008-12-05T13:13:00.003+08:00

there really isn't anything to blog about.
my life has been incredibly boring,
but i'm not complaining.
at least i'm able to idle around at home
my favourite past-time :D

i'm not sure when twin sis will be back,
and it sucks, cause i miss talking to her.
i hope when she's back, we'll be able to find some day to go out.
we desperately need to meet up.

i feel like i haven't been doing much studying,
honestly i spend more time playing than anything.
self-discipline nicole.

i'm quite looking forward to start of school cause there's orientation :D
at least someone promised me that he could slip me in after my r papers
yay, then i'll be enjoying the experience of being an ogl (:

choir has been quite ok nowadays, its been more relaxed
and most importantly, the ppl have been at least nicer to us
too many caroling stuff, its getting quite irritating.

especially when it wipes out all the free days i have.
and its mighty hard to find replacements.

i just realised i haven't gone out with friends yet,
so before i go mad,
pls make an appointment with me soon, thanks.

reply tags:
judge: thanks for defending me(:
elle: hello twin sis, its okay. i love you too much to stay angry at you. but pls don't ps ah. you ALWAYS do.
stalker 2: i believe you're a loser too lor. HAHA kidd(: and noo, i'm sure it doesn't involve trolls.
passerby: what's trolling? anyone?

ok, i'm done.
PEACE(:

2008-11-25T22:29:00.003+08:00

i think she forgot.
disappointed and hurt.
but what can i say?
what can i do?
my pride won't let me.
it just goes to show how little this means to her, i guess.
but its alright, i'm not going to cry and throw tantrums.

because i'm so numb, i can't feel disappointment and hurt any longer.

can't explain this feeling i have.
kept me up for nights,
yet i'm no closer to the answer.

its wrong, yet why do i feel this way?
its like i can't help it at all.
and no matter how wrong i tell myself it is,
it just wouldn't go away.
haven't felt like that for a long time,
and i wished i would never have to feel this way ever again.

haven't been doing much studying recently.
i spent all my time sleeping/ watching tv/ on the computer.
ppl tell me that studying will kick in, but it doesn't seem that way for me.
what exactly is wrong with me?
has something in me finally snapped?

someone help me please

2008-10-19T22:18:00.003+08:00

i miss those times in cedar.
when we used to be really crazy, we did stuff no other class would do.
and my best friend was just around the corner.
i miss the times ppl call me nicoleng.
i miss my class.
i miss everything.

i hate you for hurting my friend.

2008-10-17T20:05:00.003+08:00

hello people!
i know i've disappeared for quite a while but i was just going through a rather difficult period in my life.

i got back results. so like you know :/
got back all the papers on monday, my class damn suay.
as you all would expect, i didn't do well. i got ESSS. E for chem.
on a brighter note, i PASSED CHEM and got A for chinese.

i know i'm supposed to be sad and all abt my results, but i've come to accept them. and i'm using these results as some sort of motivation to do better next year, NEXT YEAR ITS ALL A'S MAN.
and its alright to be upset, because my brother told me that being upset goes to show that you haven't given up.
and i'm definitely not giving up. i'm quite proud of myself for getting past this mental barrier, and not lose myself to depression, like i often did in the past.
i know this isn't something most ppl will be immensely proud of, but to me, it is.
especially since this year has been quite a terrible year for me.

well! i've also learnt something abt myself, which is I LIKE TO SELF-PITY. really bad thing man.
one of my friends, she had the same set of results or possibly worse, but she still reminded me to smile, and she still showed concern abt me. i'm REALLY touched.
and she showed me how selfish i am. only caring abt myself. i should have spared more attention to the others, they probably feel bad too.

the days after getting back the papers were horrible, i was cold towards everyone.
i was prone to crying every minute of the day.
i didn't want to get up in the morning.
i just lost ALL motivation.
everyone noticed the lack of life in me, ad they showed concern, but i brush them off. and i'm sorry.

but i'm better now, i'm happier, but it doesn't mean i've forgotten abt everything.
its just this annoying characteristic of mine that refuses to allow me to be sad for more than 3 days.

i would just like to thank all those who's been here for me, supporting me and not giving up on me.
i know i've been a bitch some days, and i cry so damn much. and i've threaten to give up, but you guys never gave up on me. and that means alot.
so i'm determined more than ever to do well.

i think thats abt what i want to say.
although i feel as if i'm forgetting something.
oh! i reply tags another day can? i'm gonna do chinese now.
BYE PEOPLE. and rmb i'll always love each and everyone of you!
its your cue to say : AWWW, SO SWEEEEET!

2008-10-05T12:34:00.004+08:00

warning, the below rant is especially vulgar and downright mean, skip if you wish.

omg, i hate her, hate her so much. acting like she's all that. criticising ppl when they do stuff, then 1 day later, she does the same exact thing. and she bloody thinks its alright?
what do they see in her? honestly she d!oesn't even care and hold _____ in such honour. i mean come on lah, you're the fucking ____, yet the _____ is doing so much more than you ever could. i don't think you deserve to be _____. don't pretend your character rocks, you have as many flaws as us. everytime someone complains to you, you'll give some stupid fucking sarcastic remark, like what the fuck? we don't complain to you just to get some fucking smart ass answer lah. why can't you just let ppl rant? we don't even do that to you when you start complainging abt stuff either, do we? hello, reality check, some ppl have it worse than you okay? so don't act as if you're so fucking pitiful. you don't give a second thought abandoning us, but i do. for god's sake, unlike you, i hold _____ with much more honour. and for that, i get into much more trouble. so don't act as if i don't know a single thing. me being happy every day doesn't mean i have my fair share of problems okay? i've sacrificed lots more than you, so i don't need to take crap from you. fucking idiot think you're so fucking smart. pls look in the mirror, you're just a fucking asshole who don't deserve being _______.

okay, i'm sorry for that rant there, i really am. i swore to minimise my use of swear words but i couldn't help it. she makes me so mad.

anyway, back to a happier topic.
vjc open house was really good! i thought on choir and house part, it was quite a success. i don't really know much abt the other ccas though cause when it comes to them, i'm quite clueless. but i feel like this year got less people, much lesser than last year.

came to school at 8am, i wasn't too late cause there were still many comers who have yet to arrive. we just set up the nescafe booths that sc ORDERED us to. i think its quite ridiculous that we get ordered around when ppl say that house com is one of the 3 leadership bodies in school. we don't even work together, its more like sc makes decisions, we follow. we don't even get to have input. but its not like i can say much, afterall, we're supposed to not harbour bad feelings, but who are we kidding lah. house and sc are forever rivals because of the plain disrespect they give us. just because house knows how to have fun while doing stuff doesn't mean we don't give a damn lor. the more you disrespect us, the more we feel as if we don't need to do whatever you want, we'll do stuff our way, we'll rebel. thats what house is all about we don't take crap from ppl.

had 1 hour free time which i used to go crazy with house com. we were being introduced by emcees and started cheering the different house cheers. they forgot abt phoenix, shows how insignificant phoenix is. HAHA IN YOUR FACE ZAC AND EUGENE! haha, after that though i had to go perform dum belle. i first row leh! and dum belle have actions too, i was like so scared that i'll mess up. which i did, but it was so minor, no one noticed, i think. some of my friends went to watch, and they were laughing at me. and rachel said she saw me looking around frantically while i was clapping. oops.

when i came out of pt, some ct person was asking me to go bus bay, then i heard mass dance song, so i ran all the way to bus bay. haha lucky, choir allowed us to mass dance, so sweet. haha i joined in with the rest and all. it was damn fun. but i was in uniform and tie, so after all 6 dances, i was all sweaty and smelly. helped out some more with house com, and went crazy with them.

had to go back for choir where president commented that i look as if i went for a swim. went for performance, then debrief, then went back to house com. where there was another mass dance session. but i was more prepared this time! i wore house tee(: and so i mass danced.

by 3pm, everything had ended, i was happy and tired. so i went home, bathe, and had tuition! ahaha, wth right? so tired still got chi tuition. i was actually looking forward to sleeping but my mum reminded me i had tuition i couldn't even steal a few minutes to doze off.

ok then i'm sort of done. long post again right? i'm trying to prove lichu wrong too. HAHA.

lichu: yes i've FINALLY updated. haha. and i'm proving you wrong too.
elle: go away. stop revealing my secrets! and all those unglam pictures of me on your blog, pls take them away. i have a reputation to uphold. haha. i don't eat like a bird. i ate the whole bag of popcorn okay! unlike you, fast whole day still eat lesser than me. i'm halting my diet alrdy, i felt it was quite tiring and torturing to diet. since i like food so much and can't go w/o not eating. go and die. and i heard you've been gossiping abt me to faizah, I STAB YOU.
passerby: i know who you are, or at least i sort of have a guess. if you're asking me whats ahma, then i don't think you know me that well, which also means there's no way you would have known my blog.
x: you're from o8s44 right? cause only my classmates would call me penguin.
tzhiyun!: hahaha, can like that figure out one meh? your blog leh?

2008-10-03T22:25:00.002+08:00

hi ppl, i know i've beem gone for quite long, but if i keep blogging then you guys have nothing to look forward to right?
be prepared, i think this post gonna be quite long

anyway, lets start from AFTER PROMOSSSS.
i'm quite prepared for r papers, cause like i felt i didn't do well at all. i just pray pray pray i'll get only 1, then like not too bad.
went out with class after phy paper, bowling, pool, arcade. haha, damn cool. and we even heard the f1 cars racing.

i got tickets to watch f1!! and it was damn cool. EXCEPT FERRARI WAS LIKE SHIT. i was really sad. i mean, come on la! what is this? not even top 5? or top 10? and it was so totally not massa's fault okay! and kimi? oh gosh, i don't even wanna start. i feel as if i can cry lah. the engines are ear-piercing i tell you. and there are girls who like f1 okay! its not like i'm a guy or what lah:/

monday was chinese paper. and haha, my seat was quite special and all. i couldn't concentrate at first. and OMG, YOU KNOW WHAT? i called the chinese hod AUNTIEEEE!!!! and she was like WHAT? I'M _____. omg, i'm so embarrassed. and quite alot of ppl heard cause i'm not exactly a very soft person. and they were laughing at me! ME! i was alrdy being scolded lah, still laugh -.- some ppl no feelings one.
after that, i was bullied into going lunch with eugene, yx and yx's friend, ryan? oh did i mention, I'M ON A DIET. so throughout the lunch, i was torturing myself cause i had to forced myself not to eat. hahaha
oh, then i went to cut fringe, which is really ugly now cause my mum insisted that i should cut it short. and it doesn't help matters when ppl keep criticising my hair now. thanks ah.
THEN, I WENT OUT WITH ELLY FOR GIRL TIME. watched mamamia, took photos WHICH I'M NOT SHOWING YOU. and no elle, i don't look like a waitress. we went to visit her father who so kindly force-fed me after i finished a whole bag of popcorn. my diet successful not, you tell me?

tues was house stuff in the morning. i was late, ahaha. we rehearsed for the farewell skit. my hair not like your wig, eugene!
then i had to rush for choir at 1pm. and i'm proud to say i didn't eat lunch. haha. we learnt some carols, and i officially don't like them. we only sing 1 line REPEATEDLY LAH. others have nice melody and words, but altos? shucks man.
after choir, i had to rush for pw, and i took bus!!!!! like to some unknown place okay! i think i can say i'm independent now. i gave my pocky to louise, and my group was eating and tempting me with it. so mean. after pw, i went home and finally ate dinner. haha

wed was slack day. i woke up late. watched tv. slept early. haha. i love public holidays, no one to disturb me.

thurs was hectic day. it was house all the way man. had to report at 9.50, i was late. again. we rehearsed the farewell skit about 6 times? haha, it was quite tiring and all. then we had to settle open house stuff. we had to draw cars and traffic lights on cardboard then paint it. and we had to settle 120 farewell gifts for the entire house. i had to sew. like thanks, i don't know how to. but i managed. cause bing had to leave and there was only me sewing, ppl from other houses started to help me sew. hahah like guys lah! haha, so sweet right? in the end, we only finished work at err 8 or something? long day, my arm was aching. and why can't we have arts dinner huh? unfair shit man. its not as if we don't practise as hard and we never have all those privileges. we still have to perform now lah -.- stupid biased school.

fri!!! today was the farewell skit andddd it was successful!! had to report at 6.30, i was late. haha again.
i'm quite proud of house 08, we pulled it off given the short time we had and completing all those stuff thrown to us last minute. it really shows our determination and hard work from the long hours everyone put in.
DON'T CALL ME TAOIST/DAOIST. I WAS THE ONE BEING DAOED. and yes, i like moving chairs and tables, you not happy ah?
had some stupid skit/talk whatever. which me and bing happily ponned to err do nothing. ahaha.
choir was next. we had rehearsal for open house, which was haha last minute preparation. and i'm front row, OMG. and there are actions DOUBLE OMG. you know what? i'm gonna throw face tmr. and after that, we were discussing abt theme. president pockthong was very nice, he said WHY NOT WE HAVE AHMA AND AHGONG THEME, THEN SOMEONE SURE OWN. his exact words mind you. AND BEFORE THAT, HE SAID WE SHOULD HAVE IDIOTS THEME, JUST REFER TO NICOLE. or something like that. thanks pockthong, that was really nice of you. so now i'm known as the ahma. and my hair is not frizzy/ugly/ahma or whatever!
after that, i went back to house again. we cut out the cars, hang the banners, and i thought its quite nice. and now, i'm zebra, for i don't know what reason. and the bim, you know bimbo is pretty and stupid, i'm the stupid part, so bim. you see how nice people are to me?
i'm spending more and more time with house, i realise i don't spend as much time with altos anymore, must go and hang out more. its not that i don't enjoy the time spent getting to know the comers, but you know, i don't wanna be detached from altos.

alright i'm done. hahaha. i wanted to go on about some ppl that i feel i should give a piece of my mind, but i'm tired :/ must wake up early tmr. alright, i shall go sleep now. don't accuse me of not updating ah!

2008-08-30T01:06:00.005+08:00

i've been really tired recently. dunnoe why. i'm just going home and burying myself under the covers. not good i tell you. i have so much work not done. and i'm still at the com. i have no discipline whatsoever. shucks.

nothing much happened so far.

teacher's day was cool. house video was successful, although my scene not funny at all, but the whole thing was great. i felt we kinda bonded a bit cause like we sat together and all that. haha.

after that, met up with the 4i clique. gosh i miss them so much! i can be so comfortable with all the people, not like in jc. its amazing how we're still of the same frequency. HAHA. oh man, i really miss those kukus. some couldn't join us, but its ok. we had lots of fun, made lots of noise, i think we pissed alot of ppl off. but thats cedarians for you, we're loud and crazy.

ahh crap, i havem't done work today. slacker. as usual. okok i shall attempt econs before falling asleep. good bye world, have a great sleep. tmr will be a worse day, so be prepared for it.

do you see me as something more?
my feelings are confusing the hell out of me.

2008-08-20T14:00:00.002+08:00

i feel sick. and its not a good feeling i tell you. arghh.

2008-08-15T19:42:00.002+08:00

i dunnoe why.
just can't explain this feeling in my heart.

chinese tuition:
my tutor's son asked to have a private moment with me when i left my tutor's house. gave me his number, asked if we could be friends. then proceeded to ask if i have a boyfriend. i hope that guy's not interested in me, cause i like this certain someone you see. and i really don't need all that drama.

and singapore in on its way to the finals. actually no, its china on its way to face china.

i'm on my way. i'll show everyone that i'm smart. i can do this. i don't wanna disappoint people, those rooting for me, my family and everyone else who loves me. most of all, i don't wanna disappoint myself. i did not come this far to fail. i came this far through hard work. i will not disappoint. i will not fail.

and i will try my best to make sure i'm not left out. someone asked me today, are you even trying? i wasn't. thats probably why i'm not as close to them as before. but i will try now. and i hope the rest sees i'm sincere. and i'll forgive her for butting in, cause she's my friend.

and that person who has gotten me so motivated, so happy the last few days, thank you. you rock.

2008-08-03T16:25:00.007+08:00

its one of the worst i've had. and ironically, its the one i'll rmb the most. don't ask me why i only choose to remember the bad stuff. its because only then can i remind myself good things don't always happen and not to have my hopes up.

bestfriend/twin sis was supposed to join us for dinner today. in the end she couldn't make it, couldn't blame her, though i wish to curse her parents right now. i was very disappointed, not with her, but with god. but then again, not everything turns out the way i want to. i didn't have hopes for today, i knew i shouldn't, cause in the end, i'll just be more upset. that coupled with the problems my bestfriend/twin sis is facing just kills me. i didn't have the mood at all. i didn't want her upset especially not when i'm supposed to be sharing my joy with her. i'm sorry elle, that you always have to suffer. i wish i could do something instead of being so darn helpless.

some people who are impt to me forgot my birthday today. are they truly impt? i guess i just have to keep telling myself that its ok, cause my friends are first priority.i'm just not significant enough.

nicole, don't expect too much of people, cause you always end up disappointed.

its gonna be 5 soon.
my birthday is going to be over.
come on, life still goes on.

i owe some people a special mention:
sherloo: thanks for organising and stuff. you've been such a great friend(: although i've only really started to know you this year but do know that i treasure this friendship very much and i'll never regret any moment of our friendship. you never fail to make me laugh with that ah lian comments and ah lian face of yours. and although i always bully you because you have the look thats says bully me please, i still LOVE you muchmuch. oh, thanks for always coming late and leaving me stranded in the canteen. haha

marli:
you retard maid! you're always giving me those little cards on special days and they NEVER fail to make me happy. its been a long time since i've asked for massages! HAHA. and thanks for all those hugs and the times when somehow only you notice that i'm feeling down or when i've been crying. i know you'll probably kill me for saying this, but you're so motherly. do know that i love you and thank you for playing a significant part in my life.

sarahj:
first of all, i would like to tell you how irritating you are and secondly, how much i would love to kill you now. thanks for throwing cake at me and causing me to make a scene at pizza hut. i went home smelling of cake thank you very much. and you still have the nerve to splash water at me! drenching me! you're lucky i wore skin coloured bra, or i'll flush you down the toilet. but still, i guess i have to thank you (though reluctantly) for coming down and celebrating me and muu's bdae.

muuu:
OMG, we kept our promise man. how great is that? haha, thanks for sharing this special day with me and also gloating abt how you didn't get hit by sarahj's cake. but its ok, NEXT YEAR, i'm gonna hit you with the WHOLE cake. and i'll make sure your uniform gets it too. i hope we'll be able to celebrate our birthdays together again, next year kay? miss you so much man, it was great seeing you on friday. and i so miss suaning you abt you know who. coughchiefcough.

lichu:
eh stupid fly, why you give sarahj the idea to throw cake at me? you stupid stupid stupid girl, you forgot how near your bdae is to mine, you'll be receiving a surprise on that day i tell you. thanks for coming down specially even with the last minute invitation, its all sherloo's fault. haha, but nevertheless, thank you so much yeah? i miss you alot i tell you. i miss the annoying you with zhe me ban songs, HAHA. and then after that, we'll get into an arguement which i out of graciousness will allow you to win.

sus:
hey girl, thanks for coming even though we're not like very close or anything. oh and happy belated bdae too. i still have that black drawstring skirt, do you really not want it?

abby:
eh, thanks for coming yeah? and showing us those muscles of yours. haha.

thanks for the gifts as well guys. although pink DOESN'T suit me, i'll overlook that fact. and barbie DOESN'T suit me as well, mind you. and i know you guys will probably not read this, but if you ever visit my blog, at least you can't say i didn't thank you.

to someone special:
even though you'll never find this blog, but thank you for trusting me with your past, something which you haven't told most people. and thank you very much for the present. and no, its not crappy. its very thoughtful except for the part i'm supposed to write good things abt you, there's none at all. thanks for being there when i cry, and toliet paper is not a close substitute of tissue paper at all. it stinks. and thanks for encouraging me to do well, and being there for me when i failed again. and fine, you're prettier than me? happy now?

and thanks to everyone else who have bought me gifts and wished me a happy 17th birthday, NOT INCLUDING THOSE WHO SAID I WAS WEIRD AND DON'T WALK NORMALLY, you all can die. HAHA. kidd (: love you all!

lastly, to best friend/twin sis, do know that i'll always be there for you. i'll be behind you, supporting you all the way. you need not fear cause you don't have to face all of this alone, i'm always beside you and we'll get through this together alright? i love you very much, and i'm not angry/disappointed or whatever with you. i'm contented to even have a friend like you and for you to even recognise me as your twin sis/best friend.

2008-07-31T18:39:00.003+08:00

even though it hurts to do so, i will stay by my friends' side, because at least i know when they are down, i can do that little bit for them.
those stuff they exclude me from, its ok, its alright.
the person who keeps barging in gets the attention, its ok, its alright.
you wanna exclude me, its ok, its alright.
i won't fight with you, but i'll always be there for my friends, i won't leave them just because i've found new friends.
they may not acknowledge me as one of them, but its ok, its alright. because like i've said, everyone takes priority over me.
it doesn't matter if i'm ignored. it doesn't matter if i'm forgotten. it doesn't matter that i don't have a place in their hearts.
i've long accepted this.
but it hurts, that i can't deny.

this year is one of the worst of my 16 years.
every year i promise not be emo emo, and i think i achieved it this year.
i'm not emo emo, rather, i just hide my feelings, cause no matter how much i hope, it doesn't appear, it doesn't become reality.

i don't expect much for my birthday, cause i've been a bad bad friend.
maybe its time i should start showing more initiative, but if they choose to exclude me, its ok, cause i'll do it on my own.
i won't let another one down again, even if that certain one forgot what i've did, however small. i guess people looks at the superficial stuff nowadays.
she only mentioned some people, so where have i been?
or maybe i'm just doing things wrong.

am i doing too little? maybe i am.

someone asked me today, why are you always so happy?
i've got no answer honestly.

just what am i doing with this life?
am i making some significant impact on people's lives?
will i look back and regret stuff i've did and didn't?

its true you know?
you'll never understand how others feel until you've gone through that same exact thing.
which is why we should always forgive the rest, because they are ignorant.
i'm ignorant too, and countless have forgiven me.

whatever it is, others come first, as always.
i'll always be last priority, even in their hearts.

do you understand what i'm talking about?

2008-06-29T22:23:00.001+08:00

everyone's hurting, i can see that. the wounds are deep this time, will it heal with time?

to get revenge by telling me such a cruel thing when i'm not ready is painful.
it may not be painful to you, but it sure is to someone who's had a good life so far.

i prayed.

2008-06-03T16:02:00.003+08:00

ever feel like there's something missing in your lives?

i feel as if i'm living my life for the sake of living,

there's just no more meaning in whatever i do.

and oh, did i mention i'm dead worried abt studies?

like how i can't seem to study or concentrate at all?

i'm not sure why, maybe it has to do with the negative feelings in me

why does everyone always end up leaving me?

my family and twin sis is the only constant.

what abt the rest?

is it my fault?

i don't know how i am supposed to make choices between each group of friends.

and when i do, the choices always seem wrong no matter what

and then i'll have to suffer the consequences.

or maybe its just me.

myabe i'm just a stuck-up bitch who doesn't deserve a friend

why is everyone so fake nowadays?

why can't you just come straight to my face and tell me you hate me?

it hurts you know?

when your 'close' friends forget about you, it hurts like crap.

and i wonder if its my fault.

or maybe i'm just being over-sensitive.

i don't know what's wrong with me,

i seem so dead nowadays.

i used to be loud and crazy,

now i'm just a shadow of what i used to be.

what happened?

it hurts. so badly.

2007-08-03T18:02:00.000+08:00

03082007.
i'll forever remember this day.

thank you to everyone who has wished me and bought me beautiful presents.

thankyou [this is not in order of whatsoever] :

elyana: my twin sis! thanks for the cake you baked! it was nice, everyone said so! and the ladybird! ahh, so softtt. and that heart shape box! although i don't understand why you give me plasters and some wooden thingy. thank you for the wonderful present. i can see you've put much thought into it. i'm so sorry if my present can't even measure up to yours, you know how uncreative i am. I LOVE YOU(:

sarahJ: thank you for calling me at 12 to wake me up. it was like SOOO appreciated. and your present is like the best. [sense my sarcasm] like excuse me? the soft toy reminds you of me?? i'm not sadistic! my goodness, and you and lichu, both team up to bully me only.

wanling: thank you for the cup. its really pretty. i promise to get you something for your b'dae too okay!

lynette and joleen: AHH! the sunflowers. so beautiful! i never would have expected you to give me presents. i mean, you actually remembered my birthday? so touched! and you got put water or not? the sunflower wilting leh!

yiying, lichu, esther, abby, sus, marli, adel, sarahJ, shermaine: thanks for the beautiful surprise at swensens! although you did sent two MOST IRRITATING people to delay us and keep me from eating ice-cream, i can't say how touched i am. thanks for the balloon as well!! i had a hard time on the train. people were staring as if i've grown two heads? like excuse me, people's birthday cannot meh?

mu: thank you for sharing the same birthday with me. it was great today! -hugs

today was really fun and honestly i'm still in a state of shock, when i have the time, i'm gonna blog every single detail about our birthdays
thankyou so much for the wonderful memories.
and the opportunity to embarrass myself in front of the whole school population(:
buzz at canteen was fun, we should do the dance again.

alrights. i'm off to have dinner now.
I LOVE ALL OF YOU.

2007-06-23T15:41:00.000+08:00

if i struggle, will you save me or will you turn away?

i'm sorry.

2007-05-08T17:50:00.000+08:00

MYE are overrr! FINALLY.
last few days have been a torture.
papers were terrible, no matter how much i revised and mugged.
ahh, no confidence lah.
if i pass, i think i will hit the roof, in the happy way.

still got 1 major exam before i can take my break though.
the chinese o levels. in may 28th.
don't know what to do, my chinese so terrible, how to secure an A1?
argh. been dealing with loads of problems recently, but you don't need to know them.
all too minor and come to think of it, stupid.

i think mr sng is a sadist. he is so *inserts unseen word*
and all the other teachers are like monsters from hell, i mean who sets such papers lah?
then still got people *ahem* exclaim wah! so easy!
argh..if they do badly, i'm gonna laugh in their face even though i'll probably do worse.

okay. i'm so tired. i shall just collapse in my bed now.
ohh, i miss my bed okay.
and that stupid flu, why won't it go away.

i pray that i'll do okay for my exams.
at least not fail, or else i'll come to school the next day. headless.

2007-03-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

HAHA!

i love my group(:
i'm proud of you guys even though we didn't win overall.
but we won captain's ball or rather sponge's rectangle!
cause we're pro!

yay, eileen and i were quite enthu in the games today.
i'm so sorry that we all pangseh-ed the group yesterday.

sorry! sorry! sorry!

anyway, i enjoyed myself.
ohhs. A BIG THANK YOU to those who helped me today!!

in order of appearance:

to eileen: thanks for bringing me my water bottle.
to eunice: thanks for supporting me and helping me everywhere i go.
to valencia: thanks for fanning me.
to ruiwen: thanks for helping to lessen the pain and offering your shoe for me to step on.
to hoiyan: thanks for making me laugh and accompanying.
to steffi: thanks for just being there.
to lynette: thanks for just standing there and laughing at me.
to yun min: thanks for helping me wear my shoes and tying my shoelaces.
thanks to everyone else who helped me in one way or another(:
LOVE YOU ALL!

2007-03-10T17:05:00.000+08:00

where can i find ever find where i truly belong?

i wonder if you've ever realised that we've drifted apart?
have you ever thought about it?
were we both too caught up with our new friends?
the things you do with them i've never had the chance to,
to tell you honestly, i'm so envious.

2007-02-07T22:19:00.000+08:00

its been a looong time.
just wish i could turn back time.
i miss everything, i regret not appreciating everything.

everything is just so rushed, i don't have time to even take a breath.
sec 4 - o levels.
great.

i just want respect.
you may be a leader, but it doesn't mean you need not respect your fellow members.
and you have the cheek to ask me what's wrong.
the talk today with my old clique was great. had so much fun. THANKYOU!
if it wasn't for this leadership problems, i don't think we would have grown so much closer.
i guess when you're a leader for too long, you'll start to lose yourself.
you think that you're a leader, everyone is below you.
like what they said, you guys are just teacher followers.
i've enough. i don't think i can carry on with the lies.
you can carry on lying to everyone else, but i won't be decieved or decieve anyone else any longer.

i apologise for being so cold these few days, it was time for me to reflect on what the hell i was doing for the last month.
wasting my f* month, i'm pissed.
i shall work hard, i'm gonna prove to you i'm not stupid.
i'll prove it to you that i'm better than you.

today, i went to jog.
taking qixuan's advice to jog when i'm feeling down, i guessed it worked.
i felt much better.
three rounds around my condo, train stamina.
my goal: five rounds in the same amount of time by end of feb.
i must get gold!(:

i've made my mum my medical anatomy.
if i were to be on life support, i want it to be taken off.
haha. early death, thats my wish.

if i have cancer(TOUCHWOOD), i may consider not getting treatment and just let the disease slowly kill me while i spent my last days having the time of my life.

physics SPA tomorrow.
i'm so worried. -screams-
what if i screwed up?
knowing me, there's a high chance.

(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:
i can't descibe this feeling, its like having an empty heart.
i rarely feel anything, the only thing that registers in my mind is studying.

my mind is in a jumbled mess.
everything is running everywhere.
when we graduate, would you all remember me?
or would you forget me?
would anyone think of me as someone who's impacted their lives?

mrs loy was talking about how sex sells.
then she show us all this sexy, sensual advertisements and compare it to innocent ones, which would appeal to us?
that was so uncomfortable.

my class have this angel and mortal game.
my angel is super nice.
she really is my guardian angel, brightening up my day with her little gifts.
my mortal sadly figured out i'm her angel, that's not fun anymore.
i like this game cause you have someone who cares for you enough to get you chocolates!
everyone knows who's my angel except me. haha.
and since i'm so dumb, i haven't figured put who it is.

okay, this is a really loong post.
i feel tired after my run, i shall sleeep now.
farewell world.

2007-01-01T15:50:00.000+08:00

whats so happy about a new year, huh?
don't mind me, i'm pissed.

i like barney song.
i shall sing it more often.
barney reminds of me of our childhood days when you have nothing to worry about.
-sighs- life just gets tougher, doesn't it?

just when you think you've overcome an obstacle, the next one comes along, harder and more difficult to deal with.
life's just a big test, and i'm determined to make my every single living moment to be the best it can be.
afterall, life is quite short, come to think of it. i mean, we're already going to be 16 years old.
man, we're old.

and this year, my resolution is to try and stop emoing my time away,
to try and make more friends, in other words, to stop being the anti-social girl i am,
to forgive others readily,
to understand and appreciate the people who have been there for me,
to study hard (thats one resolution i really have to keep),
and to play hard(:
what else?

oh, did i mention i was treated to swensens by ms chye along with a few others.
feels so good to eat good food without having to pay a single cent.
HA! but i feel bad for ms chye,
she's not working but yet she has to pay for our meals.
we shall treat her back someday,
and that someday is a LONGGGG time away.

i seem to be in a better mood right?
because so many people have told me to stay strong and to not let that bloodyfuckingpieceofshittyassholicandallbadthings get to me(:
and if you don't know what i'm talking about, don't try to guess. i bet you can't guess even if you guessed a thousand and one times.
its not worth me changing because i don't wanna hurt the people close to me.
i don't want them to see that its eating me up, destroying every good, cheery part of me.
so i shall be strong, and i hope the rest of you stay strong too! no matter what happens.

anyway, lets welcome the disgustingfullofshit new year!

2006-12-26T15:23:00.000+08:00

i'm really sorry if i've disappointed you all.
i've haven't a slightest clue what is wrong with me.
it keeps haunting me, and i don't know what to do.
that memory barges its way into my mind regardless of how hard i try to keep it out.
the same questions run through my head.
can you please cure that poison in me?
its killing me.

twin sis, i know you're trying your best to help me, but its best if you just forget about my problems.
you have your own burdens to deal with, your own problems to cope with, i just don't want to add to everything.
i just need one thing, for you to be strong.
i know its difficult, but i know you're strong,
gs said it many times before, you're strong and you can go through this.
i'm a different story, i know that if you weren't there, i would have fallen,
i would have just given in to my fears.
it pains me seeing you so upset and not knowing what to do.
i rather suffer through this torture myself then seeing you equally in pain.
you be strong alright?

she lies in bed at night,
silently pleading to whoever who hears her cries,
please, please help me.
with that, she drifts off to sleep,
ready to meet that demon who's manipulating her mind.

2006-12-22T18:29:00.000+08:00

i'm going through a very rough patch in my life.
and please don't think you understand cause i know for a fact most of you don't.
i'm terribly serious, i can swear if you want me to.

and if you think i'm trying to get attention, so be it.
i couldn't care less.
i'm now more worried about my mental health, so please forgive me if i seem really cold to you.

and on a brighter note, the trip to India was great.
something i've never experienced before, if you have the chance, you should really go.

and i'm really not in the mood to reply tags.
just let me wallow in self-pity for a while,
and figure out what the hell is wrong with me.
thankyou very much for your cooperation.

my pleas for help

2006-11-29T14:00:00.000+08:00

please kill me now.
no, i'm not joking.

i thought i could stand it, in the end, i gave in.
i'm not weak, you just don't understand.
i have to quit, i really do.

i'm so so so so sorry.
i guess you'll never trust me again.
wait, you've never trusted me even when i screamed in your face and swore i did no such thing.
my friends are bad enough and now you.
you said you understood how i felt, how this f* position is killing me, now you've turned against me too.
HELL, i'm facing alot of problems here, i really didn't need more problems.
can someone please tell me what to do?
what to tell myself to carry on.
does anyone understand how i feel now?
i feel terrible, i feel like killing myself.
i'm not trying to get attention, i'm so sick and tired of life.
if you were to tell me i can die right now, i would happily go with you.

please help me.
i don't have anymore strength i swear.

i really didn't mean to.
oh god, please believe me.
my heart hurts, it really does.
i rather you beat me then give me this emotional pain.
everytime you rake up my past mistakes, do you know how much it hurts me that you have NEVER forgiven me?

dear choir or those who visits my blog,
i officially quit the position as secretary. i've thought about it long and hard, and i felt it is best if i give the position to someone more capable. i'm sorry if i've disappointed you or i've let you down greatly but this is what i must do to keep my sanity.

OH GOD!
what am i saying?
no, i won't turn my back against the choir just because someone is against it.
unless you people want me to quit, i won't quit.
i will persevere, i will.

give me strength, please.
and let me be forgiven for the things that weren't in my control.

MANS.

2006-11-26T13:13:00.000+08:00

i'm tired.
i really am.
how much longer do we have to pretend?

when reality fades,
nothing's left.
and i see you huddled in that corner,
my heart goes out to you.

and anyway, i've just gotten my contacts.
finally, one thing off my list.

and why the hell am i telling you that?
god, i'm beginning to lose my mind.

i went out yesterday and bought clothes.
i think my mum spent $200 over already.
its for new year and i seriously love my clothes mans!
but i think i look quite fat in the skirt,
okay time for the gym work-out!

i seriously don't want to be sec 4.
think about it, soon, we'll be leaving our parents to lead our own lives.
OMG, CHANGE TOPIC MANS!

anywaysanyways, i'm hungry.
i shall go eat BREAKFAST now.
aren't you jealous?
hmmm..the smell.

okay, i shall stop here todayy!
EAT BREAKFAST!

reply tags another day alright?
i have a weding ceremony to attend! (:

Nicole is BORED.

2006-11-24T18:23:00.000+08:00

gosh, i'm in such a good mood today.
it feels weird.
and i was supposed to watch my show at 4 and i ended up missing it because i was too lazy to walk to the living room.
argh, i'm so freaking lazy after that sleepover.

and i tell you, i got no face alrdy.
i've been throwing my face so many times
and now, elle just threw it more.

oh god, i feel so tired.
as if i haven't slept for like a week?
actually i wouldn't know,
i've never tried that before.

.....i don't even know what i'm blogging about.
BORING LAH.
i refuse to do my amaths.
chinese too.
and computer seems so stupid.
there's no nice shows on television.
GOD! what am i supposed to do?
play with barbie dolls?

okay, i shall just contend myself with staring at the wall.
oh! and did i mention i walked into the gate today?
come, let me tell you now!
I, NG YU WEN NICOLE just walked into that f* gate at home because i was busy looking at the lizard, wondering whether it will fall on my head.
i can be so silly at times.
but i mean, the lizard was quite big what!

i want a date now!
humphs. when i feel like going out, i have no dates.
when i don't, i've got a week full of activities.

blahblahblah.
many nights we've prayed,
with no proof anyone could hear,
in our hearts a hopeful song we barely understood.
now we are not afraid,
although we know there's much to fear,
we were moving mountains long before we knew we could.

there can be miracles,
when you believe,
though hope is frail,
its hard to kill.
who knows what miracles you can achieve,
when you believe,
somehow you will,
you will when you believe.

mans, i love that song.

our seniors came back today.
and distracted me and lynette, oh but who cares?
novabelle was supposed to come, but she didn't.
how disappointing.
i miss them please!
choir was diff without them and the lame jokes and sarcastic remarks they used to make.

and the set piece is *bangs head on the wall* whatever you want to think about it as.
we spent one hour doing the rhythm for the first few bars.
and the song seem to sound sucky and more difficult than 2005 set piece,
somemore we having a difficult song when ms chye not there to coach us? *screams*

and ngana is one of the chosen songs i guess.
i hope other choirs won't laugh at us when we sing.

OMG, i don't wanna sit for o levels.
its so life condemming.
cause if you don't do well, you wont get to go a good jc.
and you mix with people who are so slack in their studies, and knowing me, i get influenced easily.
shit the god damn shit.

i read some of my old posts,
i guess i sound quite depressed in some of them.
and i've realised that some friends are just not worth keeping,
because they aren't true friends who would always be your side.
instead they just come to you when they got no friends then dump you the next second.
wow! i feel so appreciated.
but its okay, because i take this as a lesson, to not trust people too easily.
and to not let others get to me.
they ain't worth it man.
and if you're ever one of those people, think man.
cause if that happens to you, you really won't be smiling and going about your way.

dinner's at 9.
ive got lots of time to kill.
eeeyerrr, can someone come my house to swim with me?
I'M SO BORED.
holudays ain't meant for you to waste your time away, you're supposed to fill it up with activities you enjoy.
and those who promised a date with me, COUGHScherylCOUGHS, you better keep it
or i'll hound you for breaking your promise.

OH, and if there's one thing i hate
is when people break their promises to me.

LALALALA, now i'm in a pissy mood.
so f* off people, i'm PMS-ing.
AGAIN.

tags reply:
cheryl: chey! i thought you cried at my story, then you would be like super pathetic. not as if you aren't lah! (: kidd. prom was that sucky meh? i know the food wasn't that good but i didn't know it was that bad! and you still recommend i go? okayy. maybe your expectations were too high, thats why you were disappointed? but prom is really a great excuse to but NEW SHOES and a nice nice dress that makes you feel like a princess.

elle: oh god, stop flooding my tagboard nehs! i wasn't talking to that pillow, you were like talking to a tree! not funny please! yeah, that gay ass, did you see how tight his pants were? it seemed like it was going to spilt any second. NO! cleopatra likes me! she keeps coming to me and rubbing against my legs. and she refused to come to you a few times even though you were calling her. oh yeah, that moring, so memorable, because you were so pissed, and i was on the computer playing games. EH! i didn't strut around, its not my fault if your floor got prob right? and WHAT? who ask you play a funny movie! and stop quoting dammit, you've gotta wait for me to answer mahs!

qixuan: hello!yeah, i've finished all my homework except SIX questions from amaths. I bet you're so jealous right now. and i'm not gonna do for you! FAT HOPE! eh, have fun in err whichever country you going although i know you only get to read it when you come back.

okay, i'm finally done.
toodles:)

2006-11-21T19:09:00.000+08:00

we're going to be sec 4 next year,
and soon it will be o levels.
then we'll go to different jcs.
mans, i'm scared.

if i can't maintain some friendships because of different classes, i don't think i can manage different schools.
and what am i going to choose for my subject combi?

elle is such a bimbo, banshee and drama queen.
god, she annoys me sometimes.
elle says: HAHA MY SMELLY FOOT. WHO'S THE BIMBO HERE PLS? haha you and your flinging of your hair. WHOS THE BANSHEE NOW?
hahahaha

HAHA sounds like
"WHOS YOUR DADDY NOW?"
lol.
internal joke.

okay, so that whole part was that stupid banshee who keeps pinching me.
ANYWAY, i just came back, actually no, i came back yesterday from elle's house.
the sleepover was so retarded.
and we ate so much, gosh, i so need to go work out later.
i put on SO MUCH weight thanks to the 4 bags of popcorn we had on both nights.
and the biscuits and everything.

so the first day, i arrived at her home looking so sloppy while she dressed up in what?
LONG SHIRT AND LONG SKIRT?
like please! are you trying to like attract someone in your home?
or wait, there's NO ONE in her home!
and so we or rather she ate sandwhiches and we changed and went to errr...some place.
bought fairy dust which is actually some fruit powder which taste oh so good.
and there was this group of boys that disgusted me so much.
they were acting like fools.
they think we are so easy? PLEASE!
even if they were the last men on earth, i wouldn't get with them. YUCK.
we came home and had mee goreng which nearly burnt my tongue off.
then we bathed and watched harry potter and the goblet of fire.
we had popcorn, milk, ice lemon tee, wangwang, chocolates.
gosh, and we finished them all!
and oh! when there was a funny part in the movie, we kept rewinding it and laughing again and again.
elle had a hard time telling me to control my laughter.
mans, i just couldn't.
we slept at 4.30 in the night or rather morning.
wanted to wait for her mum to wake before we slept but we were too sleepy.

second day!
we woke at eleven, actually i woke at eleven and woke her up with my endless sneezing.
watched tv and got ready to go to tm
walked around bugis and went back.
and i realised that i didn't eat lunch, how smart.
had italian pasta and i helped set up the christmas tree!
we watched click that night, and we cried again.
but we were like so busy stuffing ourselves with popcorn that we missed some parts.
sheesh.
went to sleep at 2 because we had to wait up at 5.
had three hours of sleep and i was so chirpy in the morning.

we took 2 and a half hours to get ready.
mostly it was her fault because she was surfing the net or writing letters.
and we went to school together.
it was so much fun going to school with her, listening to mp3 and making fun of people in the bus.
reached school at 8.30 and started walking around the school like as if we're the principals.
had choir with ms chye from 9-12.
then i had to wait for ms banshee til 1.
then we went swensens, man, the food was heaven.
walked around spotlight and took ridiculous pictures.
so throw-face.
and we went back and i slept for 2 more hours before i went home!

and did i mention that the cats in her neighbourhood are so pretty and cute.
gosh, i'm missing cleopatra.
she's attracted to me! haha.
i'm so lovable(:

so here's my three days of non-stop fun.
man, i'm tired.

reply tags:
cheryl: you bf is maths? gosh, how retarded can you get? anyway, how was prom dude? did everyone come in a dress? i wanna see your photos, i promise i won't laugh, well, not too much anyways. and you cried at the story on my blog, oh my. and we wanted to prankcall you but we know you were busy getting ready for prom.

elle: look who's talking mans!

liyana: really? well, thanks then. you all must support your leaders alright? by being good juniors. so listen to your seniors when they talk.

steffi: err, thankyou very much(:

2006-11-20T14:19:00.000+08:00

i'm at elle's house

so i shall get back to you later(X

2006-11-19T17:02:00.000+08:00

you might ask what is wrong with me,
honestly i don't know either.

come, let me tell you a joke.
why did the caterpillar cross the road?

the answer is: (drumrolls please!)
i don't know either! (:

this is seriously dumb. HAHA.
and i'm sick. FINALLY.
got my dang wish.
and now my voice is so uber sexy.
COMEON, say its sexy!!

i feel so fuzzy and tingly all over.
because i see that there are people who care for me.
makes me SMILE.

ants are super irritating, i tell you.
what if we were to spray insecticide at the ants in the forest?
cool man! you see so many ants dead. ahh..satisfaction.

we just went shopping for groceries.
actually no, my mum just wanted to buy some car wash thing, in the end we spent $199.65
HAHA. THAT IS SO FUNNY.
my father spent $100 on beer and liquor please!
the rest is my tibits.
yeah, i eat alot.
why? NOT HAPPY IZZIT?
like i care liddat!

i left a amaths to do.
but i don't feel like doing, but i must.
can you please ask me to go offline?

and esther is such a freaking bimbo.
stop calling me bimbo dammit!
how can i be bimbo?

and please don't talk to me about christianity anymore.
i'm just not interested.
i thought i won't be offended but the more i keep replaying our conversation in my mind, the more pissed i got.
so if you want to keep this frienship, i suggest you stop talking to me about it.
it goes to all my friends who keep wanting me to convert.
do respect my decision as i respect yours.

i think i'm super random today.
first i told a joke.
then i talk about ants.
and then i talk about groceries.
what a random post of rubbish.

anyway, let me tell you a story.

A man came home from work at 11pm and saw his six-year old son sitting in the living room. His son asked him, " Papa, how much do you earn in one hour?" The father answered;" Well, if you must know, i earn $20 an hour." The boy kept quiet and asked his father another question,"Papa, can you give me $10?" The man got very angry and snapped at his son," Money is hard to earn! If you want to buy your silly toys, forget about it! Go to your room at once!" The boy silently went to his room.

Later, the man realised he had been too harsh and walked into his son's room. " Are you still up?" asked the father. "Yes Papa." replied the small voice of the boy. The father reached into his pocket and took out a crisp $10 note and gave it to the boy. The boy immediately brightened up and took another $10 from underneath his pillow. At this, the father got angry again," you already have $10! Why do you still need another $10?" The boy took the $10 from his father's hands and said," Papa, i have $20 here, can i buy one hour of your time to have a dinner with you?"

isn't that so sweet?
oh mans, when i read it, i was reminded of myself.
sometimes parents do not understand that all their children wanted was just their time, and not money.

ANYWAYS, i shall reply tags today!

elle: hey. thanks for being there and even though i didn't confide in you this time, it doesn't mean you have to feel guilty. i just needed some time alone to think. so don't feel upset okay? and the same goes to you too, you won't be alone in this world because when everyone walks out of your life, i'll still be there. loveyou my dearest twin!

esther: stop mentioning the coffee! oh please! my father doesn't drink coffee at night, he only drinks liqour! and err, you know what i'm saying at the top right? wasn't there to offend you or something.

liyana: hello, wow, i've never imagined juniors tagging my blog. hmms, how fascinating. you mean you guys not scared of me? aww, thanks for mentioning the secretary thing. just needed some motivation(: you guys are my motivation mans!

cheryl: hello my dearest senior! now that your o's are done, aren't you so happy? HAHA. well, i just hope she is. -crosses fingers- ohwells, thanks for being proud of me. jealous ah? but i bet there are more people who are proud of you. i'm one of them too! love you too! (:

nish: -gives shocked face- what are you doing here mans? HAHA. you never visit my blog one lahs! anyways, thanks(:

today's post is quite long. okay i'm off to do amaths.
oh btw cheryl, maths SUCK.

2006-11-17T18:16:00.000+08:00

i just caused my mum to drive her car into the barrier thing,
and her new car has alot of scratches.
it will probably cost alot of money.

i have no idea why everytime when things are fine, i manage to screw up.
you tell me why i'm so f* useless?
i don't know why when i try so hard to help my mum save money, i end up making her pay more.

i give up okay.
i want to be that Nicole i was before.
i don't want to live this life anymore.
this isn't me, not anymore.
i used to enjoy life, where did i go?

i don't want to be a secretary for choir.
i quit. yeah, you may say i'm weak but i don't want to act like somebody else.
i want to not keep on worrying i would set a bad example to juniors.
i never wanted my friends to misunderstand and have that drama that seriously hurt me big-time.
i wanted to be accepted for who i am, not because i'm now a leader and i have to act like that to be accepted by the commitee.
and most of all, i wanted my mother to be proud of me.
gosh, i've always wanted my mum's acceptance of who i am, not for who she want me to be.
i just want to make her proud.
thats all i ask for, thats all i've ever lived for.
i'm sorry i'm not perfect. but i try so hard to be.
to please everyone else that i forget how to live for myself.
i crave for people's concern for me but i get none.
i only want people to appreciate what i'm doing.
all this while, i thought my mother understood, that being a secretary is slowly killing me everyday.
yet, now i know.

and elle,
i won't be coming.
my mum's car is being serviced.
and i think i deserve this punishment.

nicole, come on.
be strong. don't cry.
you must be strong. you must.

i love my mum so much.
i really do.
i've never wished to hurt her.
i try so hard to make her proud of me.
when will you be proud of me?
when mummy?

are you all proud of me?
or do you think that i've turned out to be a failure who can't seem to get anything through her f* head.
come, tell me in my face, that i'm a failure.

in the end, she stood there alone.

2006-11-11T16:52:00.000+08:00

rain is actually cleansing you,
cleansing you of all those poisons, those hatred, those useless hopes, those shit.
so i conclude that you should always play or dance in the rain.
in that way, nobody can see if you're crying.

yesterday i woke up at 6.30 to go for choir.
then at 9.00, i left choir when i was supposed to leave at 8.50
lucky never late or else sophia would have been dead by now.
then had lessons all the way til 11.30
what with metals and logic gates.
nearly burst my brain.
then the teachers decided to add on to our homework by giving us MORE homework.
they nothing to say also means we nothing to do meh?

then had lunch with dearest esther who insisted she must sit opposite me.
and my mum came and bought sec 4 books then fetch us to my house.
i'm going to be sec 4 next year -cries-
we finished cedar prelim paper, skipped most questions since they all sec 4 topics.
damn shuang la! so little questions need to do.
and did tkgs mcq.
went swimming at 6. burnt alot of calories. i feel so good.
at least i excercised a bit so i won't grow so fat from eating potato chips.
and i realised esther doesn't know how to press that black round thing on the floor to activate the shower.
so dumb! then i thought spoil somemore until i actually tried it and it was working. -.-
still dare call me bimbo.
and those people who read her blog ah, don't believe her okay!
i'm not bimbotic.

and that book thing.
its true lahhs!
when you sleep on the book, you can absorb info quickly.
i saw it in the cartoon show and in some local show long time ago.
the cartoon show was dexter and his lab i think.
haha. esther says she's freaked out. i think i'm the one who's freaked out by her.
her post everything also insult me. as in seriously lah! i so nice, still insult! humphs.

-sighs- i just wish you know
that our friendship is hanging by a thread.

well, life can be such a bitch sometimes.
i'm disappointed in so many things that i've never stopped to think about why they would disappoint me so.
oh no, now i sound like some crazy fool sprouting nonsense but maybe i am.

happy families are just lies.
they are an excuse used by the government to ask us to marry and produce children.
but we are the women of the 21st century, producing children are no longer our only roles.
men can't be selfish, just because they need to get their line going, they use us women.
its time for us to step out and resist.
we have our own needs and our own aspirations.
they shouldn't try to convince us that marriage is blissful and having a child is everything but tough, the series where that actor actress couple goes around interviewing people who has a new born child make me feel sick to the stomach.
thats propaganda in some sort of way.

and fairytale endings are bullshit.
what cinderella live happily ever after. lies.

mans, i just realised i'm so feminist but its true.
i think women have suffered enough.
men should get a taste of what women in the past go through.

my post doesn't seem very cheery huh?
it seems angsty.
well nevermind, its my blog anyway.

reply tags:
jean: linked alrdy. how did you find my blog?

esther: you stop insulting me ah! or i'll gang up with asrahJ and bully you. HAHA. you don't look like Korean please! i sure as hell don't want to look like african lahs! and sleeping on textbook quite hard cause the textbook very hard, not nice to sleep.

elle: yeah, thanks for keep changing blogs. really, i have to keep remembering what is your blog and such. i thought you said you didn't care alrdy?

cheryl: haha. very funny hors? aren't you always dumb? HAHA. KIDD. super nicole? what a joke! take care too. and have fun doing exam papers! (: good luck lahs.

2006-11-08T17:10:00.000+08:00

when you feel like giving up, DON'T.
you must wait for me to give up first.

ANYWAY, so far, holidays are okay.
except when you have to go for choir.
i don't like to wake up early.
i don't like to go to school for extra lessons.
they are so boring and stupid.
especially when i have to go for only one hour. WASTE MY TIME.

andand, i've patched with my friends.
YAY.

esther says she looks like a Korean.
-.- right. and i look like an african.

everywhere i go, i hear people swooning.
'OHH! SHIN GOON IS SOOOOO CUTE!!!!'
'OHH, he's so handsome and hot!!'
enough people. really, i'm getting sick of that.
and lichu is obsessed with the songs.
goong not say VERY nice?

logic gates is bill gates brother.
and NOR gates is gates in NORWAY.
haha, geddit?
so if you're really good at the topic, that means you are really logical about gates!
thankfully i'm not. i sure as hell don't want to be that logical.
about gates somemore. eee.

i wonder what's life after death.
is is like what people imagine, some big golden gate and behind that, is all white and fluffy?
and gardens of flowers and waterfalls and ponds,
and seas that are white near the shore then greenish blue in colour when its deeper. or baby blue?
not like Singapore's beaches.
more like hawaii beaches.
wll there be like palaces for every family or person?
and everything is draped in silk,
gold everywhere?
beds big enough to fit ten people,
meals fit for a king,
toliets made of marble and gold?

wow. nice place to live ah?
but maybe its just a fantasy.
i guess i'll never know.

its kind of exciting to see all of that if its true.
kind of makes me look forward to my death.
okay. CHANGE TOPIC.

you know?
if you are so worried about the bomb attacks, why won't you go with us?
then always complaining about this, about that?
it is obvious you don't give a shit about us.
you don't f* care?
everything is always about your mother. she's in pain?
SO? she's always in pain. its just her mental state that is really off.
please la! even the doctors can't find anything wrong iwth that ass of your mother.
she only knows how to complain, complain and COMPLAIN somemore.
and you dare to call me rude?
you look in the mirror first.
when we're watching tv, you just come and snatch the remote control away and changed to another channel.
no really, that's a great example of a father.
all fathers should not respect their wives and children.
and they should also think that men are everything, women are second-class.
no really, he should continue thinking that men make all the decisions,
and they shouldn't give a f* care about their family's feelings.
they should be hypocrites too. just like my sorry excuse of a father.
in china, you abandon your own family to take care of others.
you took care of that woman's son and you left me alone.
when i was climbing the great wall, where were you?
right, you were with that woman and her son.
AND I WAS F* ALONE.
i nearly lost my balance you know?
if i had tumbled down those steps, i would never have survived.
you know, i wish i would.
then mummy can divorce you and get on with her life,
leaving to deal with guilt for having caused my death.
i wish i could make you suffer, oh how great it would be?
but i don't want to cause you physical pain,
because i know mental torture is MUCH worse.
GO F* YOURSELF.
i don't need such a father.

there, i'm done.

REPLY TAGS:
elle: haha. VERY FUNNY. if i turn dm on, you turn v on. HAHA. i know that you've always tried your best to be there for me. thankyou. thanks for being my twin sis as well. a young lady should be so sick and vulgar! why is it everyone's inventing names for me? and i'm not chicken nehneh. like hello? that is so insulting! tell me, who wants to be chicken's boobs? you be the chicken's dick lah! and go avada kedavra other people. just don't siaosiao don't point your blasted wand at me and go avada kedavra can alrdy.

cheryl: eh, i didn't have anything to say what! whats your excuse?

qixuan: soon, you won't be slacking much when the new batch of sec 1s come in. i hope [crosses fingers] i won't get a buddy. how am i supposed to like take care of them? so weird. well, i wish i could but then again, you know my nature. i do wish to have a taste of how days were like when i wasn't a secretary, it was so carefree and no worries about getting caught. and please don't hug me like that again. you nearly killed me! go hug like mrs lim or something! AHAHA(: i'm not pai meh? i thought i quite rebellious one, what with untucked shirts everyday. and nicolly isn't approved by me you know? and you kajiao me somemore, i more stressed ah!

esther: don't try to act Korean lah! cannot make it means cannot makes it! you say again, i SMACK you.

2006-11-03T14:46:00.000+08:00

hello people. miss me?

i'm gonna start blogging because i've solved one of my problems.
yupps.
now i can fully understand what you mean when you say 'to acquire self confidence is to do what you are afraid to' or something like that.

choir was alright i guess.
lim-yau is becoming more like ms chye.
i'm proud of her for being able to handle us. (:

and ms chye's coming back to have three sessions with us.
ohh, i miss her so.
when mrs loy told us, i think i nearly burst out crying.
because knowing you-know-what makes me feel terrible.
like as if i'm torn between believing her and not.

and i think the choir's gettin slightly better.
GO CHOIR!
we must show ms chye we can do it!
especially us sec threes, since we were the last batch to be actually trained by her.

and you.
please don't act anymore. seriously.
i can see through that f* act you put on.
you gossip behind my back and try to ruin our friendships.
just stop it okay?
our friendships are stronger than that.
you don't have to try and butt in.
and certainly not strut around thinking you're the best?
HELLO? we're not leaving in your little dream world.

andand!
i love my friends.
although there are some who REALLY don't deserve it.
but i shall be nice and hope you change.
then we can live happily ever after.
BULLSHIT. omg. who am i trying to kid?
you won't change.
you think you're so cool and all that, and you wouldn't even think twice before hurting others.
i seriously don't know why the rest are giving in.

and you.
thought you were my friend.
and all those bullshit about always being there for me.
there were just lies. don't lie to me.
i don't tolerate these shit.

and as for you,
F* OFF.
you're not that popular.
heck, you're not even close.
so stop trying to butt in. GOD!

okay, i still need to solve some problems so if you see me so emo, don't be offended.
or if you don't see me smile and wave back,
or if you see me crying,
or if you see me being in a pissy mood,
or if you think i'm daydreaming and not listening to you.

okay, I LOVE YOU!

REPLY TAGS.
weihan: weihan? you seriously need to go to the mental hospital. i'm sure they alrdy have a room for you.

sarahJ: yeah. thanks.

rawker partner: HELLO! even if i sing songs, there's no one to sing with me. and no one to bully.

elle: thanks for always being there. i don't know what i'll do if i hadn't got you. i think i would have commited suicide or something. and no burden shit. even if i have too many burdens, there's always room for yours. i'm willing to listen to whatever you have to say, even thought sometimes they don't make sense. and i'm also willing to make you feel better by making a fool of myself. i'm also willing to wake up in the early morning if you just needed someone to talk to or if you had a fight with your parents and needed someone. i'm also willing to curse those people who hurt you and bitch about them. so all in all, i'm VERY willing to be your friend and to be there whenever you need me. so cheer up alright/ i know saying its okay won't help but it will soon be okay if you just be strong. you're a strong person, believe me i know. you hit very hard one leh!

mujia: if a sad nicole won't be a pretty nicole, i would rather be a sad nicole. HAHA

cheryl: hello! i hope your o's are alright. and i'm not keeping you in the dark. miss you too! and err, don't bother yourself with my problems. really, they aren't worth your time. and besides like elle said, you have enough burdens, no need my petty problems. but anyway, thankyou all the same (:

qixuan: you don't know how much that means to me? that single apology actually caused me to cry for a whole afternoon. my mum thought my friend died or something? hahaha. anyway, at least i know what you guys feel and i'll try to spend more time with you all okay? and believe me, being a secretary is hard. i don'tknow. the rest of the leaders are so leader-ish. i'm so paikia-ish. HAHA. i believe you. and no matter what, i still love you too!

syahidah: HI-HO-THE-MERRY-HO.

gundusami: thanks alot. you know how bad my memory is but you have to move blogs every month or something?

;: i really don't appreciate people lying to me. if you're crying, tell me straight out. you know that by now? just because i trust you and believe everything you say doesn't mean you can lie. i'm not happy okay. i won't pester you if you don't want to talk about it but if you're crying, TELL ME.

esther: you double-tagged!! haha. thankyou. i guess i'll be stronger after this.

syikin: since when did you ever tag my blog? HAHA so retard, what are you doing at me blog huh? thanks for the encouragment. you take care too.

2006-10-27T13:32:00.000+08:00

i'm on hiatus.
i know its kind of weird to be on hiatus in the holidays but i need to get my priorities right.
i'm just going through a phase right now which includes being VERY emotional and sensitive.
i need some time alone now to just get my life back in order.
when i feel that i'm ready to face this blasted world, i'll stop.

but thankyou to those who have been encouraging me.
i really needed that.
thankyou.

2006-10-20T17:58:00.000+08:00

thank you for understanding. you don't know how much that means to me.
as for leaving you all out, i've never had the intention.
in fact, i've always been telling myself to make conversation and make sure you guys don't feel left out.
maybe it just wasn't enough.
and being my friends for three years, you should know that i will NEVER forsake my friends for power.
in fact, i don't like it at all since the juniors don't listen and respect me.
anyways, my job is to try and uphold the choir's name and thats all.

and i'm not angry.
okay, maybe a little.
okay, maybe quite angry but i was mainly upset that you said those words
i was upset that i was so naive as to believe that you guys are my friends.
but i accept your apology.
just please don't ever do this again, you don't know how much it hurts.

so lets put this whole thing behind us.
and let time heal our friendship i guess.

and now, i can finally be happy for the next few days.
i'm sorry to those who had to endure my mood swings.
and thankyou to elle, esther and yunmin who stood by me and comforted me.
it was really much appreciated.

so now the drama's over.
lets start anew!

reply tags:
elle: thankyou for being there. you don't know how much that means to me. you always there to comfort me, always being there for me. and being my twin sis. i could have never asked for a better sis. and i'm sorry if i've never been there for you everytime when you've alawys been there for me. i promise that i will try harder to be there whenever you need me. and we didn't sing london bridge is falling down. we sand london bridge. got difference la! we should talk more often. it was great catching up with you and talking about things we usually talk about in sec2 which really doesn't make much sense because half the time you're just making stupid noises and singing while i'm just screaming like a lunatic. great conversation! and you take care too! LOVE YOU EVEN MORE. wait. LOVE YOU MOST. wait. LOVE YOU INFINITY.

gs: thanks for being proud of me. but the thing is, i've never done anything for you to be proud of. really.

esther: thanks for comforting me that day. and listening to my endless nonsense that i bet didn't make sense because i was crying most of the time. haha. i bet i looked like an idiot.

click here: who the hell are you? stop asking me to click there and make money la! what a fraud!

ay: err. thanks. anyways, your english sucks! HAHAHA. kidding.

cheryl: when you're upset and feel like commiting suicide, you don't normally have a post filled with stupid ramblings do you?

2006-10-19T17:32:00.000+08:00

i thought you were my friend.

i guess not.

2006-10-17T16:05:00.000+08:00

do you know how god damn upset i am?
do you know how f* stressed i am over this?
do you know that i wish to resign from this f* position?
do you know how much scoldings i endured?

do you know how much it hurts to read that post of yours.
do you know how god damn much i cried?

i didn't leave you all alone.
i have never once left you! NEVER.
god dammit. why does no one understand the things that i'm going through now?
i'm crying while i'm typing this you know?
you were my friend! how could you say that?
you were supposed to be there for me. you weren't.
in fact, for THREE YEARS, you have left me out.
YES! i felt left out during every choir practice. but what did i do?
i didn't say anything because you were my friends and now you can say that i used you?
that i dump you all for those in the 'higher authority'
how c ould you say that? did you know how much it hurts?
i didn't. not once.
i've tried my best to keep this friendship, treaure it.
i've never played a fool with our friendship. NEVER.
do you know how much that sentence broke my heart? to realise that those i though i could depend on abandoned me when i needed them the most?
well i'm sorry if i couldn't help trying to relieve the memories. but i want to talk about how much i enjoyed choral ex.
even qixuan once said you all were proud of me and that you all would be glad to hear what i had to say?
but i was afraid that i would hurt your feelings. is it wrong to have talk to others about it instead of telling you?
i'm sorry if i kept on singing the songs. to relieve those times when i truly felt alive and appreciated.
i'm sorry. i guess for this friendship, i have to sacrifice that too. my own happiness.
and i've always held you all as my closest friends and here you are, condemming me.
thanks for telling me a whole bull load of lies. thanks for saying that you would be proud of me but in the end wasn't.
i never thought of ditching you all.

i cannot believe you actually said that.
i trusted you all as my friends to have my back, it was a stressful period that time, and yet i couldn't find any support.
and when i tried to include myself into the group, you all ignore me.
what am i supposed to do?
you were my friends. eunice, i thought you were one of those that could be trusted.
i thought you were one of those who would have always have my back.
i never intended to lose you all because of this f* position.
HELL. i even suffered from it.
yet, everything i do is unappreciated.
i've never once thought i was better than you all.
why can't you be proud of me this once?
to have finally achieved my dreams of becoming a leader?
why? you were my friends.

if i come to school with red eyes tomorrow.
you know what happened?

where were you all those time i needed you? where?

2006-10-16T16:25:00.000+08:00

Life isn't a bed of roses.
thanks for reminding me. i needed that wake up call.

saturday was my cousin's wedding.
which was quite alright except the fact that i was super bored and self-conscious.
i was wearing a dress for goodness sake!

and sunday was spent seeing cars with my parents,
visiting my grandma,
and then entertaining my cousins.

both days were not well spent.
i could have slept and gone on computer.
nehs. i feel damn .....

and today = doomsday.
got back 6 papers.
marks were like shit. which were expected.
i'm pretty upset but i didn't cry.
and then there were people who were insensitive,
but i wasn't really affected because i didn't care.
i just kept thinking. thinking. thinking.

i probably sound like i'm gonna commit suicide.
i just hope i won't.
nehs. i won't. i treasure my life.
really. i want to be able to make my mum smile.

and elle,
its alright.
if you need to talk, just call me alright?
i'm always there for you.

and you,
just seeing you makes me cry.
thinking of you breaks my heart.
do you know how much pain i've gone through this two months?
no, it isn't easy.
i'm sorry if i've offended you.
i don't even know why i keep offending you when i just can't seem to find my faults.
i'm sorry.
if you think ignoring me is the best thing to do, go on.
i cannot keep this mask up, i simply cannot.

i'm not in the mood to blog alright?

let me just go and cry it out before i'm ready to talk about it.
i appreciate you trying to help me and all, i just need time.
time to prepare myself so i won't break down.

i need someone to really care.
where can i find that someone?
it seems like its going on and on. like and endless cycle.
i cannot keep up. and i cannot continue pretending everything's okay.
i'm not a robot. i have feelings too.
when can you acknowledge that?

i'm hurting deep down inside.
my mask fades with time.
i haven't much time left before i break.

GS,
sad huh? your lil gs is such a failure at everything she attempts.

reply tags:
cheryl: fine. be that way. box me? you have the strength ah? smartCHERYL. and i'm not lazy. just err...busy! thanks for the good luck. didn't work though.

esther: eee. last minute cancel. make me waste time to pack. wth.

elle: love you!((:

sarahJ: hello! ah ma is not old okay! i'm pretty young and energetic! my week is good. hope yours is too.

qixuan: ohhs. choir. yes, i miss you too. its been hell recently. you better make me alugh until i have wrinkles okay?

2006-10-10T16:36:00.000+08:00

hahaha. i'm in a good mood today!
because i woke up at 3!
i'm so good i know.

YAY. my family's going out to eat dinner today!
to celebrate my dad's birthday.
speaking of which, i haven't done him a card. HAHA.

and i'm eating assorted biscuits now.
HAHA. and its biskut camkpuran in malay.
so smart right?
no actually, i just read it off the tin.

yay. i feel energised compared to yesterday.
AND THERE ARE NO MORE EXAMS!
and i don't have to go to school for three more days!
not like those higher mother tongue people. HAH.
its times like this when i appreciate being in express chinese.

no more exams okay!
isn't that just so fantastic?
YAY. YAY. YAY. YAY. YAY.

i'm a lil' high now.
and i've made my whole week packed with activities!
i love love this week.

and i have a wedding dinner to attend.
which also means i have to wear a dress.
but at least the dress is nice la.

GS!
i wanna see your prom photo!!
you better take manymany photos and let me see before i come after you!
are you wearing a floor length dress? i hope not.
later, you look too mature for your age.
but then again you look too childish in everything.
HAHA. you're faced with a dilemma.

okayokay.
i didn't do much today.
so there's really nothing to blog.

REPLY TAGS:
elle: HEY! when i say that you insult me doesn't mean you have to praise me with untrue things you dung! of course i'm wonderful. HAHA. BUT I'M NOT CHIO NOR SMART. omg. stop calling me that before i tell everyone about the ....
sorry, but i wear contacts so too bad! i don't really demoralise myself laas! its quite true if you look at it from my perspective. i don't put myself down too much! NOW, look who's talking mans! pops can't invent but he can create! i don't want such a birthday present btw. HAHA. i'll do anything for my friends because i love them. tell me, who wouldn't do such a thing? thanks, here another insult, actually two insults. dao and bad-tempered? actually, quite true la. i kow i'm nice thankyouthankyou. oh, of course you can! you're afterall my twin sister! eh, save me some popcorn will ya? unleash my temper? COOL. don't need ask you for help, i bet you'll just join in. HAHAHA.

cheryl: i conclude you are SUPER free mans! and you don't go tagging people's blogs saying: 'HELLOO!' -.- say some better things la! humphs.

lichu: but you do know how to rollerblate now right so its okay la. and the bruise? i'm used to getting bruises everyday since i walk into walls very often. oh, its okay. you needn't say sorry, its my fault afterall for not taking good care of it. besides, i still had fun teaching you and spending time with you all. yes, now that exams are over, we can catch up finally. don't feel bad okay! *hugs

esther: i think my friends are such egoistic people. HAHA. i didn't dream about you la! i might as well dream about myself! HAHA. my dream got alot of action lehs!

2006-10-09T21:51:00.000+08:00

today i had literature paper 2 which was disgusting as usual.
i saw mr sng give us that sadistic grin when he saw our expressions. what a sadist!
and then halfway through the paper, i heard the flute or whatever again.
it was so near this time like just beside me.
i just froze on the spot and couldn't think for that moment.
it was so loud okay. and the fact that elle told me the story made me more scared.

so anyways after our paper, me, zhiyun, esther, sarahJ, abby, yiying, lichu, jesiska went to east coast.
went to eat macdonalds and rented bikes and roller blades.
i wanted to rollerblade but my leg condition like very difficult to even walk.
but surprisingly i could cycle. hahah. how weird!
and that ah soh came in a hideous skirt and sunglasses. what an aunty!
and we saw jellyfish and sarahJ tried to poke it with a stick to no success.
it was so pretty and mushroom like.
i wanted to keep it only if it wasn't dangerous.
anyway, i started throwing sand at sarahJ which is so funny because she claimed the sand went into her shirt. HAHA. too bad then.
and i tried teaching lichu how to cycle and got a bruise in the process.
the rest rollerblaing provided me with good entertainment.
seeing them fall and holding each other for dear life makes me laugh. HAHA/

all in all, it was a fun day.
yeah, i know the post is a little dead today but i'm super tired and super irritated with my leg :/

i had lots of fun today.
something that i miss. so much.

and elle,
here's your thankyou speech.
thank you for being there for me. always encouraging me.
and trying your best to comfort me when my moods are shit, which is often.
thank you for tolerating my nonsense and never judging me.
so i'm grateful to have a twin sis like you!

and you,
yes. i love you too.
and i don't think of you everynight.
you think i so free, nothing to do izzit?
sorry for not giving you your letter personally.
we tried to find you but you weren't there and my paper finsih earlier than your recess.
how's it feel finally being out of cedar?

i know my attitude or whatever suck. and that its difficult to have friends.
thats why she gets all the attention. but i try too.
and you said you'll not judge me.
yet, it seems you're closer to her than me.
but i should be happy yes?
because she's happy and you're happy.
don't worry, i'll be sure to keep away and avoid you all.
and you can spent as much time as you want alrdy.
maybe i'm just being sensitive, whatever it is, i know how you feel.
and i won't force you to 'like' me.
i'm not referring to bf btw.

reply tags:
cheryl: was my physics paper easy? wait, don't tell me, i already know. and yes, you can go on thinking about how much i think of you everynight. and fishballs have no link. you random person! and cheryl, i haven't finsh my exams la you bodoh! i still have lit paper 2. if not, i update alrdy.

sarahJ: today was super fun. throwing sand at you is somethign that cheers me up big time. have sex with the text? eww. mr sng can go have sex with the text la! eh, i'm not aunty! thats's esther and shermaine. i'm ah ma! grandma!

weihan: OMG. not the jaychou stuff again. he does not rock and i'm not smart. if you tell me one more time or call me smart, i'll make sure your ahems know that you like her. yeah, i know i rock! thankyou.

elle: i shall not reply your posts. it's filled with insults! about who? ME SOMEMORE!

2006-10-06T14:56:00.000+08:00

one more paper! one more paper!

somehow, that reminds me of the prose.
the 'half past four! half past four!'

okayy. so there's one more paper to go!
and i've sat for 10 papers! WOW.
so that means i've studied for ten papers!
funny. seems like a month.
i'm so tired already.

i think i'm going to flunk every paper.
i've no mood for physics today. i think a maths took all my brain power.
i'm just going to fail. if i pass, i'm going to be a weepy piece of shit.
and if i fail, i'm gonna be a sobbing piece of shit.
so prepare tissues for me anyway.

this is supposed to be a happy post you know?
doesn't seem very happy huh?
well. too bad then.

the haze is super irritating.
its making me sneeze everytime i'm out in the open.
and sneezing continuously for ten minutes isn't exactly fun mind you!

oh btw, be considerate you guys.
i know you've finished your exams but we haven't.
and we so needed you to scream and jump in joy in front of us.

and you.
stop being so rude la.
you don't own the whole world. if people offend you, you don't have to be rude to them.
just control it will you?
i mean, i've never screamed at you when you offend me have i?
and if you continue like that, one day, i'm just going to make you regret your actions.
and trust me, i'm not such a nice and innocent person.

oh and esther,
thanks. for everything.
for being beside me throughout the whole year and tolerating my stupid nonsense.
sorry for not appreciating you,
but do know that i love you [as a friend of course].

and weihan.
you stupid person. always making me feel inferior with your smartness,
thank you for helping me through too.
so ironic eh? stupid and smart. hah.

its not a thank you speech post btw.
just wanted to thank some special people in my life.

and don't you get jealous elle. and you too ____.
i love you too. hah.

and to those people i owe letters to,
i'm terribly sorry.
if you have exams on monday, come find me and i'll give it to you.
or else i'll give you after marking days.
as for you, since you're always in school, i'll give you on monday.
thanks for the letters guys. they cheer me up.

sense of belonging.
mr sng is super funny. yesyes. agreed.
i promise to study for that exam since i got two days to study.
i hope i'll do well for endyears. but like a bit impossible.
even if i don't, i'm not gonna care alrdy.
just when papers are return, i'll make sure i disappear so i won't see my marks.
i imagine big fat zeros. and comments like 'How can you not know this?' or ' Have you been listening in class' or 'You're terribly stupid!'

while its supposed to be sense of belonging,
i feel a sense of dread. hah.
i guess if you really like lit, you'll feel a sense of belonging to lit.
then if not, you can just die.
not saying i don't like lit. i love it actually.
never loved it as much as i do now before.
but mr sng's lessons make you can't help but love lit.

and that chem thing! super funny!
what Bye Bye Boy Friend,
stands for Bond Breaking - Bond Formation.
oh, it helped me remember during chem exam. your credit mans!

i'm so tired now.
i think i'm going to sleep.
good night people.

oh yes, reply tags:
sarahJ: you know when i type your name, i imagine it to be an umbrella. cause the j looks like umbrella handle. then sarah is in small letters then J is in capital. so like the supposedly umbrella shielding you. what a vivid imagination! if i can infer like this for lit, i'll be sure to pass!

mujia: eeyer! why you always call me pretty. if i pretty, then everyone else is beautiful and handsome. hah. even you! who's pretty? MIUJIA! MUJIA! *answers audience

elle: nono. you're not stupid. hah. i'm more lovable. hanis is not biased. unlike someone. *narrows eyes at ____

hanistar: yeah! i like the original one. the strawberry one okay la. but eat too much then not nice alrdy. not saying i like you of course!

2006-10-01T18:10:00.000+08:00

YAY. YAY.

today is a super good day! why?
i don't know! its just good.

i'm laughing at every single thing today.
like for example, when my teacher was explaining some STUPID maths problem (MATHS SUCK) i suddenly burst out laughing.
and everyone was staring at me.

and when i went to buy waffle, i laughed because the ant was crawling to the waffle machine thingy.
i thought it was funny.

mans, i'm so mad today.
that explains why i feel stupid. HAH.

anyways, let me tell you this one funny incident.
one day, four of us were in the classroom.
then esther disappeared somewhere and zhiyun decided to pour water on esther's chair.
and esther came back but she didn't sit down.
so me and zhiyun sat down to tempt her.
and you know what?
YES, SHE DID. SHE SAT ON THE CHAIR WITH WATER.
omg. it was so funny. HAHAHA.

her reaction was so stupid. she jumped up after sitting on the chair.
and as usual, she started screaming in that whiny, high and unbearable voice of hers.
HAHA. so funny mans. we shall do more of this after exams.
next time we shall just pour water until gonna overflow from chair.
then we ask her to see who can jump and sit on the chair.
then when she does it, the water will splash all over her! what a joke!

we should film that. and put it on youtube!

YAY. i love making fun of people. so funny.
anantan! hahaha.

and you know what? i tripped over a table and cut myself (:
HAHA. i laughed at myself too!

i think i'm to stressed.
anyways, i wanna throw water balloons at people. like what i did in sec 2.
anone wanna join?

exams are 2 days away!
and it will soon be over.

i want my letter okay!
humphs.

i'll miss you!
yes, i will. *nods head.

i've just realised that this post is full of rubbish as always! haha.
however, in this way, i can rubbish collectors something to do.
they got more rubbish to clear!

REPLY TAGS:
gs: we must keep in touch alrights? i wonder why they say keep in touch, what? like keep touching ahs?

sarahJ: sarahJ is already cuckoooI *sings

tayzhiyun: AHA! we shall billy her til she cries. *are you so serious?*

esther: you wash yourself! haha. you can pee from your ass ah? ohhs. yeah. i forgot you abnormal what!

2006-09-27T14:02:00.000+08:00

i officially fail chinese!
thankyou. thankyou.
i know i'm so smart rights?

as exams start to near, i start to have symptoms of over-stress.
my ear is still blocked. for two weeks alrdy. goodness.
i am extremely tired for god knows what reason.
okay. you don't have to hear my shit now.

and as exams start to near,
i'm reminded of this.

11 more days left.
or izzit 12 or 13?
wadeva it is, its way too little time left for spending time with you.
i'll miss you, you know?
its just so ...... that one year has gone past,
so fast.

i don't want that day to come.
really i don't.
i want to remain at this time. i don't care.
i don't want the sec 4s to leave.
i want to be sec 3.
i want to see my gs everyday and bully her.
i don't want to miss her like mad.

elvis has gone to jc already.
and we've drifted apart.
i don't want the same thing to happen.
i don't want.
omg. now i'm starting to cry.

i'll miss you. and i feel upset that nothing can be changed.
i know we will drift apart because you'll be too busy with your schoolwork.
besides, who will want to remain in contact with me anyways.
in the short time that i've come to know you,
i've grown quite used to the idea of a gs.
who looks out for us and is always there to comfort us.

we'll be sec 4s next year.
and then we shall leave too.
we shall leave our friends to enter a diff. school.
the future so uncertain.

i guess i can never explain this feeling.
bt i can't change anything.
so i shall make the best of this 11 days
to cheer you up and play the role of a gs.

GS:
i will miss you.
i hope you know that.
*hugs tight.

reply tags:
faizah: helloo dude. welcome mans. you like the letter? i'm sure you do! yup. there's 12 fans inside. its kind of ugly. but what to do? i suck at art laas.

elle: omg. i think faizha's rub off you too much. argh. please. i don't love you. i love my bolster! HAHA. and you're not the fattest girl on earth laas!

2006-09-26T15:06:00.000+08:00

ooops. my second post in a day.

forgot to reply tags!

REPLY TAGS!
esther: i shall sing that song to whoever i want! 'I AM JUST A LITTLE GIRL WITH A CRUSH ON YOU' i even know the tune please! EH. how you know its your pronounciation thats correct. YOURS IS WRONG. i don't care mans!

cheryl: haha. you crap please! see i never do the YOU thing alreadys. eeyer. insult me only! is that the way you're supposed to treat me when i've always been so NICE to you? huh? HUH? stop calling me nonya ah! i'll cry! eh you blur lahs! *shakes head

sarahJ: HELLOO. what good morning? you very free ahs? GO STUDY! aiyo. MUGMUGMUGMUG! i'm trying to pyscho you. so did you wish her huh?

2006-09-26T14:48:00.000+08:00

i am supposed to be studying for chinese.
but i couldn't help updating. HAHA.

anyways, today was okay.
nothing specially funny.

and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAIZAH!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAIZAH!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAIZAH!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAIZAH!!!

the pink was too light. so i used purple. its close to pink whats!
anyways, happy sixteen birthday!
though you act nothing like a sixteen year old! HAHA.
hoped you enjoyed your birthday and your presents!
i know it was nice. since most of it was hand-made.
say you love us please!
someone so BIG ah? people sing birthday song before morning assembly.
best laas! and you sweat so much ah?
run marathon?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYIKIN!!!

i won't forget you laas!
spastic mans. can't believe i spent the whole of morning assembly talking about when to give her your present.
and finally you gave her during recess when you said you were going to give her after school. lame mans.

and you ahs,
so naughty! haha.
i thought you say you shy.
HAHA. but all the same, i know she'll feel happy knowing someone who she barely knows gave her a card.

YES. FAIZAH, I KNOW!
how you like the fans?
i was going to make sixteen but my mother told me to sleep.
so i couldn't. sorry ahs.

hahaha. i feel so happy all of a sudden.
it seems funny to suan her like mad.

besides that, there's nothing much todayy.

oh, thanks for you NICENICE letter.
and that little gift you promised.
can eat the sweets or not?
i shall reply on thursay alrights?
YAY. i love my _____.
she's so nice.

and elle, you're disgusting.
YAY. i don't like you!
HAHA.

2006-09-23T23:16:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna fail english.
my compo was shit. i didn't know what i was talking about.
i was going to write about love but i wrote no. 3
and half the time i'm just talking shit.
can you please congratulate me?

argh. i'm still angry with you for heavens sake.
i'm not THAT gracious.
who cares mans? i don't like you means i don't like you.
oh, FYI, do not rub me the wrong way.
especially now because i'm super stressed.
so if you mess with me, i'll be SURE TO MESS WITH YOU.
and. don't underestimate me. i CAN be mean.

just because you've never truly seen my bad side doesn't mean i don't have one.
and you seriously don't want to see it.
i'm not as innocent or guai as you think.

haha. friday was super funny please!
went to tayzhiyun's house.
funny mans.
these people can really make me laugh sometimes.
estherue and her 'dog'.
tayzhiyun and her stupid imitations of estherue.
me and my insane laughter.
bad combination. *shakes head.
i'm just a little girl with a crush on you.
HAHAHAHA. super funny.

and i finished chinese paper.
so it was quite productive.
and i've finished studying chemistry!
just on that day, go through this and that can already!

i hope mans.

studying ss now.
i think ss is interesting really.
wadeva mans. i'm so tired.
can you please tell me i'm supposed to be studying and not sleeping.
i keep sleeping. so irritaing.
nv mind, i shall sleep at 4 today and wake up at 9.
five hours of sleep. YAY.

and YOU.
how can you not notice mans?
it was so loud.
and you said you were thinking.
thinking of what ahs?
your bf or gf or ME huh?

HAHA. i'm super ego today.

and YOU.
don't be sad anymore alrights?
if you want, i'll go get a lollipop for me kay?
just don't bother. its not worth your tears or your time.
besides its not your fault. people used you. get over it.
learn from your mistakes and learn to not be so naive anymore.
sometimes, it all just show you can only trust yourself at times.

thats life dearest sister,
and remember that i'll always be here when you need me.
i'll always support you.

and YOU.
haha. yes. sometimes you just feel so frustrated when your efforts are not recognised.
just so infuriating.
quote! 'whatever you do in the darkness will eventually come to light'
so persevere on yes!
you can do it! i can do it! everyone can do it!

and YOU.
i'm sorry if i ranted at you.
must be the exam stress.
but still, its not a good excuse.
i'm sorry alrights?
i don't know why i've changed so much. and not into something really good somemore.
but i promise i'll be much better.

oh mans. i see people studying so hard, i feel so stressed.
idon'twannadisappointyou.
wells. nahs.

and YOU.
sorry for not replying your letter.
i'm seriously too busy.
i don't know busy with what.
but just busy lahs.
i'll reply after exams kay?

to those who i still owe. sorry ahs.
i'll reply after exams. promised!

and YOU
i seriously don't understand you.
sometimes you ultra nice.
sometimes you are so hurtful.
i just hope you remain your nice part.

and YOU.
stupiak. when are you ever going to study with me?
well. where's my letter huh?
eeyer. DON'T LIKE!
humphs.

reply tags.
cheryl: hello you! i'm royal ehs? and i know i'm great. don't need to tell me. haha. anyways i don't talk a lot of nonsense please! so insulting. :( but wadeva mans. *hugs. i miss you nehs.

elle: hana was disgusting. but its quite expected. now its your turn to cheer up. it seems like when i'm down, you're comforting me. and the next moment i'm alright, you're not. weird huh? its like someone is purposely trying to do these things. to destroy us. and you know the above part is dedicated to you rights? haha. cheer up dears. you're my sister, i will be upset to know that you're hurting.

esther: EH! ou damn bad please! tsunami! make me laugh like shit lahs! until even sarahJ could feel the chair vibrating. you're lucky i didn't fall off the chair laughing. the woman was shit please! she ask us to concentrate and be quiet then she talk and talk and talk. who want to listen to her talk anyways?

sarahJ: OI. its not my fault please! esther made me laugh. she and her tsunami. yestersday was funny mans. embarrassing esther in front of ahems.

nishanthi: i shall kick your chair as much as i like. i got more highlighters please!

hello, how are you?
i'm fine thank you.
mans. you are so funny please!

2006-09-18T14:38:00.000+08:00

hello people.

i know i'm supposed to be studying but i need a little break right?

oh. nothing has been going on. just constant mugging.

and omg. i'm so irritated please!
argh. okay fine. you got high marks, fine. you're happy. acceptable.
BUT WHAT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE IS THAT YOU WERE BEING SUCH A BITCH ABOUT IT.
like hello?
we don't need you to rub it in.
we don't need you to go around asking people for their marks.
could be a lil sympathetic?
you're making everyone feel so bad and its not as if they did very bad. but you make it seem as if they failed.
really! you're so insensitive.
you only think about yourself. NEVER OTHERS.
in short, you're a selfish f* idiot. GO F* YOURSELF!
you always try to seek attention.
you try to fit in the cool crowd and you think that you're cool.
WAKE UP YOU ARSE. you aren't in the cool crowd.
and in no way will they accept someone who's so attention seeking.
ARGH. god. and you DARE to have the cheek to be angry with me?
HELLO? what is this you piece of shit!
i should be the one angry and irritated at you. NOT YOU, F* ASS.
you're always snatching things from me to copy, have you ever thought whether i needed it.
stop thinking about yourself.
you say you have no friends. HOW CAN YOU HAVE FRIENDS WITH SUCH A CHARACTER.

i'm sorry if i'm so harsh right now.
i just feel so upset okay.
i may not be the perfect person to tell you this, but at least i can think for others. UNLIKE YOU SNIVELLING ARSE.
gosh. i feel much better now.

and i'm sorry if i've neglected you all. try to understand i'm trying so hard and yet no one appreciates my efforts. you know how bad that hurts?

and YOU.
you write elle's letter so nice! *whines.
i wanna a nice letter too!
i'm sorry it was late.
couldn't find you. i even did a second attempt.
be contented please!
eeyer. i don't care!
you better write a LONG and NICE letter for me too!
or i'll cry okay.

oh btw, thanks for comforting me that day.
yes. it was well..comforting to know you've experienced the same thing.
and of course to those who bitch about her with me.
very nice indeed. i enjoyed that.

well, i should be going now.
mug. mug. mug.
i dunnoe why i'm mugging.
i'm prepared to fail everything. because i've always been a failure.
well to me at least.
gotta accept the facts eh?

REPLY TAGS!
esther: thanks for that NICE compliment. but its not true. you, me, i , them, everyone knows that. i won't be doing so badly if i'm a smart pig.

elle: i'm sorry if i ranted at you. i guess sometimes you're just so frustrated when you're doing everything you can do and thats what you get. and everything i do is behind the scenes. yes its my job, but i do need a lil appreciation and motivation. thats what lacking now. i'm just stuck in this f* hole. with no idea how to crawl out. and the fact that choral excellence memories are what i hold dear to heart. and right now its the only thing that keeps me going. i dunnoe, it just seems so weird but whenever i think of it, i get this fuzzy feeling. it makes me happy because we have achieved something you know? and i'm not great. i bet the teachers think so too. but they don't know i'm trying my best. i'm trying to change myself. while staying true to yourself. its difficult really. i've always been the active and naughty type. to force myself to be all guai and stuff sometimes just isn't me. and its so difficult. i try. i really do. yet, no matter how hard i've tried, its just a waste of time. i know i may not be able to continue as sec till next year but i want to make the best of this very rare chance. and sometimes, my friends make it quite difficult. ms chye once told me to try to mix more with others. i'm trying to do that but its so bloody difficult to keep my old friends. i don't wanna lose them, i really don't. they think that i'm abandoning them for the comm members but i'm not. i'm just trying to widen my social circle. and mixing with them makes me want to talk during choir which i obviously can't. so do you see my dilemma? gosh. its just so upsetting that in the end, those who said they will support me are the ones who have abandoned me to struggle on my own. and i know that many people don't respect me, i understand, i was never guai before. but i'm trying and i constantly have to face these battles, especially with such low confidence. i'm trying so damn hard but it seems like when i need to fall back on someone, they are always not there.

cheryl: oh. ah hui is actually like ah lian. quite similar except ah hui is those kind who speaks broken english mix with dialects and chinese. but obviously you're not that. but since you called me ah lian. WELL!

2006-09-10T19:01:00.000+08:00

i swear. there's something really wrong with me.

anyways, my parents and i and the maid went out for dinner.
and then we saw this red round shape thingy near our house on the way back.
my father was like: " The moon! "
and being spastic idiots, we were like where? where?
then he said: " Maybe its a balloon."
but because i couldn't see as i was sitting at the other side of the car, my father turned the car around to let me see.
and it was so low. and RED.
so i was like: " NO LAH! it's a balloon! where got moon so low and RED in colour somemore? "
and then my parents decided to buy durians. AGAIN. for like the dunnoe how many times in a week.
and on the way back from buying durian, my mother sudenly spotted the balloon.
and she said: "NO LAH! its the moon. where got balloon follow us all the way here one? "
and we looked at each other and there was silence.
then we started laughing like mad people.
and we passed by this hotel which have this hot air balloon in front.
then my father said: " there! the moon! "
and we started laughing again.
-.-'''' sometimes, i think my family's a bit mad.
oh! oh! and when drove home, we saw the moon.
and it was still red but it was higher up in the sky.
then we were all staring at it. in the car. in the MIDDLE of the road.
all of a sudden. got this car suddenly honk so loud, i jumped up and hit my head.
fascinating no?

now there's this beautiful bruise. which hurts alot mind you.

i'm not gonna be blogging much these few days.
preparing for exams and such.

i'm gonna miss the sec fours when they go.
i know its random but just think, soon they won't be there anymore.
there's no one to look up to.
no one to turn to for advice.
its always like this.
and when they go jc, we drift away.
well, thats the cruelty of life i guess.

i'm gonna miss yingwai, fiona, novabelle, ____ the most.
because they are the ones who make me smile the most.
and i guess, in that short time i know them, they influenced me a great deal.
of course, good things lah!

ahh. i shall go mug now.
argh. my parents are asking me eat durian again.
NOT AGAIN.

reply tags:
elle: you do not rock the mostest. and i'm shitty. HAH. you got censored. now she can't say i'm vulgar. cause you're vulgar too! and the tagboard is not shitty! yours is!what? you don't make sense. and you flood my tagboard also what?? still dare to say! and my tags DO make sense. SKINNY FREAK.
esther: you slow what! since like you were born? you got! you know how to do whats? you go home then do only. FINE LAH. i not only stressed over indices, i everything also stressed. and i'm NOT a smart ass. note the word NOT.
cheryl: HELLO! i know you miss me. but you can go on denying. i know can already. HAH. i knew it long ago. cause she told me. HAH. so efficient ehs? your tagboard can write vulgarities? EEYER. i also want! and err. you a bit delusional because you're not in any way pro. even if you are, i'm PRO-ER. or PRO-EST. where got ah lian?? you ah hui ahs!
rawker partner: OI. i like to sing to irritate you. " i like to move it, move it! i like to move it, move it! i like to move it, move it! MOVE IT!!!! " HAHS.

2006-09-08T14:19:00.000+08:00

humphs.
humphs.
HUMPHS.

you guys are irritating.
humphs.

what's wrong with dreaming about washing hair or that choir thing? don't tease me lah!

hahaha. i know its funnaye. but i'm a FUNNY person! x)

anyways, we learnt a new song.
i'm starting to like choir more now.
as in its better now. maybe because we're learning new songs.
she aint that bad. maybe a lil boring.
but i guess she's better or i'm more tolerant.
frankly, i wanna believe i'm more tolerant!

and aiyer! stop changing url!!
ARGH. and putting password.
you know i have short term memory loss!
then still don't tell me the password.
making me guess ah?

better tell me ah!
or i'll get angry.

no lah.
i won't angry one.
since i'm so ULTRA nice.
i know. i know.
thankyouverymuchehs?

i'm so sorry elvis.
i know i'm so shitty.
but i promise next time it won't be like that. i hope.
sorry alrights?
elle too.
make you all cancel the whole thing because being the idiotic me, i just have to spoil it.
sorry. sorry. sorry.
forgive forgive please please.

and esther. thanks for going library with me to do homework.
but we didn't get much done anyways.
because of YOU. you so slow. bleh.
hahaha. kidding ehs?
and those people annoying can?
do i like like an N level student?
argh. just because i'm not taking my o's this year doesn't mean i'm in N level right?
its like as if he thinks he's much better than us liddat?

no offence to N level students though.
you don't go asking STANGERS if they are a N level student.
it hurts people's pride. you _____

argh. i still have a maths.
ewww.
anyways, i've decided to study hard now.
because i'm afraid i won't do well.
must show SOME PEOPLE that trip sci. not everything ehs?
and again, no offense to trip sci people who are really humble, modest.

and a bit kuku.

REPLY TAGS!
cheryl: wah! miss me ah? i know you do! and please, i'm like dying because you haven't give me the present which i've waited for dunoe how long? and i'm updating now? happy ehs? where's my reward huh?
mujia: okayy. so you're quite madd. because i'm not in anyway pretty. actually i think i look like a piece of shit. hence being shitty. HAH.
esther: and don't say that to SOMEONE, cause she loves maths. weihan too. and you didn't give me motivation. cause you gave up halfway, causing me to give up too. ): but nevermind(:
acasius: err. right. you have a life. its okay. you don't have to admit to having no life. just continue living in your own little world. HAH. sorry. my mind's too small to be in it. so obviously i would be outside my mind right?

lalalalalala.
do you love me?
yes you do.
i know you do!

i've decided not to make you all strain your eyes.

so i'm changing the font.

2006-09-05T23:37:00.000+08:00

blahblahblah.

join the blahblah institute.
join me.
who's bloody insane.

my mum's BACKK.
yay. i miss my mummy. ((:

you know what?

say what!

NOTHING. hahaha.

i got nothing to blog about actually.
i think i'm gonna fail end years.

aren't you proud of me?
i'm such a shitty person.

i'm going to study with elvis and elle tomorrow.
like i'll get any work done with those two.
but i'll try anyways.

and when do you plan to study with me?
hmmm?

there's this gathering for p6 class on monday.
from 5.30 to 9.
but then i had tuition from 5-9
hahaha. so i couldn't go.
funnaye right?
its not that i didn't want to go, is because i COULDN'T.
sorry aye.

i'm in a convo filled with two mad people whom i dearly love.
and both of them are high all of a sudden.

as you can see, i'm not high.
i'm quite low actually.
HAHAHA. sorry.

okay. i'm done.
although this post is full of rubbish, i feel better.
hahaha.

reply tags:
mujia: are you blind or something? because i'm defitnely not pretty! goodness. what a joke! but you are prettaye. now thats a different story.
rawker partner: hello! i know you miss me alot. HAHA. especially my bullying.
elle: you meant you register rubbish? remember? i register shit. not rubbish.
elvis: hahaha. now you realise eh? BIASED lah. like gundu. humphs. only pay attention to elle! ohhs. miss you too! see you wednesday! and you can get me sweets and balloons!
eunice: elvis was dead before but we revived her! hahaha. i do pay attention to you please!
ladeedums: got. you said during the convo. you said you keep on forgetting to buy. and you did promise. i think. HA. you got censored too. still say i vulgar! err. don't wail! hahaha. yeah. i saw you skipping while laughing to yourself. so weird ehs?
lynette: hello! eh nonono. i'm not gonna lose my life. yeah. i;m rather busy cause my exams just two more weeks? yes. i have a blog. glad you finally found out. i'm quite low profile. shy what! HAHA. you like my blogskin ehs? i like it too. DUH its nice. its on my blog? of course nice lah.
acasius: hello! i don't need to listen to lynette. cause i know that you don't have a life. HAHA. eh. you know what? i haven't seen your sister yet. funny right?

touched.

2006-09-02T21:54:00.000+08:00

ehhs. i think i've the best life.
i have good parents who are willing to give up anything for my happiness.
i have a brother who will protect me forever.
i have friends who care for me.
and are always tolerating my moods.
i have a twin sister who's ALWAYS there for me.
i have a godbrother who cares and loves us.
i have a godsister who's always making me laugh with her lameness.

dunnoe.
i just feel tingly and fuzzy all over.

see this.

NICOLE! says:
oh anyways, thank you for tolerating me and elle.
NICOLE! says:
all our shitty moods and stuff.
just want to be significant. says:
wad tolerating? haha i love the two of you.. it's not tolerating or wadsoever

and this

NICOLE! says:
cause its like you've always been nice to us.
NICOLE! says:
and we sometimes are so shitty and yarh.
just want to be significant. says:
haha ayy. you guys are not my godsisters for nth
just want to be significant. says:
haha and since when are you all shitty! haha

and this

just want to be significant. says:
wadever it is thats wad that makes you guys who you all are
just want to be significant. says:
and thats wad i lik abt you all. fullstops.

please give me a reason why i shouldn't love my godbrother?
or rather godsister since she's becoming super vain.

haha. i miss my mum okay.
i feel so childish.

wait, who am i kidding?
i AM childish.

YOU.
you should follow elvis example and be a good godsis.
HAHA. where's the gift you promised us?
and thanks ah.
i'm so addicted to the song.

i should probably give a shout out to elvis.
thanks for always being there for us.
we may be difficult godsisters, and we're sorry.
but we love you all the same.
dunnoe about elle, but i do love you.
smile more ehs.
we'll be there for you too.

reply tags:
gundu: can you please stop being a gundu. haha. kidding. anyways, don't wail. its not like you. later you not dao anymore. and please don't skip along corridors with a big smile plastered on your face, because that isn't exactly dao. HAHA.
elle: i will not bother answering your tags. because none of them makes sense.

HAH.

2006-09-02T13:46:00.000+08:00

ELVIS!!
i miss you so muchhh.
hahaha. why you never come see your dearest godsis.
wahh. you purposely one.
toopid.

ha. i'm in a high mood today.
my mum's overseas and that means I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT.
oh mans, i'm loving this life.

just got back from school.
open house todayy.
sadly i didn't see YOU. if not i would have given YOU your prettaye letter.
i'm so efficient. right?

ahh. i think that i'm super mad these few days.
dunnoe. my mood change like dunnoe what.
haiz. too stressed. HAh.

i've got nothing to say actually.
i just wanted to keep this blog alive.
have you seen my new skin?
its so nice right?
HAH.
your skin's nice too.
the one that you just changed.
from the white white one.

so...i have a balloon.
but i didn't get the star one.
because they refuse to give me.
and the toopid chia yunmin took my bear.
so i couldn't play with it.
and alicia is gonna get revenge.
i know she will.
but i'm gonna get you first. HAHA.

oooh. there's a naked man outside my window.
sadly, he isn't handsome.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

and there's a boys choir coming!
whoots!
don't think dirty, its just more interesting meeting the other sex.
not saying girls are boring.
but we can laugh at the boys.
HAHA. i feel so evil.

i'm so looking forward to next year.
but i wish ms chye was here to conduct us.
argh..

she digusts me.

why is everyone going on hiatus?
argh. irritating.

reply tags:
gundu: are you trying to be mysterious? i know who you are just by the way you type. i'm smart. tell me i'm smart please. X) oh. goodness, you've rubbed off me. your prettaye letter is ready.
elle: aiya. just say you love me la! must say love my skin and indirectly say you love me meh? shy for what? ((:
hanistar: i've tried the strawberry flavour. its quite nice lah. i'm not saying you're nice or you taste nice though. it can be our other brothers and sisters. HAH.

reflections.

2006-08-29T22:12:00.000+08:00

i wish i could just turn around and say i'm sorry.
rather than walking out on you.
guess i was too proud. too hurt.
i do okay. i care about you.
but the many times you've hurt me is just too much.
too much for me to bear. the disappointment.

and YOU.
i really don't understand you.
one minute you're all moody and always shouting at me.
or being extremely hurtful.
and the next you're happy and pulling me to places.
i lke the latter you.
its much nicer.
those times you've hurt me i'm willing to forgive.
if you'll just stay that cheerful way.

and YOU.
i'm sorry okay?
i guess i've been to busy studying and being with my friends, i forget about you.
but hey. i miss your company.
and all those times we used to tell each other every single thing.
now we barely say hello.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
i don't know how many. and frankly i don't care.
(and i never did copy and paste. it was all typed.)
because the remorse and regret is feel is more than a thousand apologies.
please don't drift further away from me.
i need you dearly to help me continue with my life.
i'm sorry elle.

and YOU.
stop being an idiot will you?

reply tags:
cow: hey. yeah. i will cheer up. please do too.
esther: i'm replying to your tags aren't i? i'm not just replying to gs kay. why? jealous ah? HAHA. you want me to reply yours only izzit? HAHA.

exams are coming

2006-08-25T16:56:00.000+08:00

SO DISGUSTING. haha.

i don't like exams. cause they make me all squirmy and stuff.
then we have physics and a maths together which is such a terrific combination.
and we have geog and chem which is another terrific combination.
i'm so gonna flunk my exams. argh.

i just got back from school.
no choir but had commitee meeting. which i had to take minutes.
it was so funnaye. cause qixuan was making such toopid comments.
lame sia.

and thanks for saying my spectacles are nice.
thankyouthankyou.
and YOU ARE TICKLISH.
cause i was gonna poke you but you defended yourself.
so you ticklish. i don't care! i'm right!
oh. i need to find someone to study with for exams.
can it PLEASE PLEASE be you. cause if i don't know anything, i can ask you.
ALSO, i can irritate you. hahaha. kidding.

there's macbeth test on monday.
geog test on tuesday. all need memorising one.
so disgusting.
FYI: macbeth test is act one to act four scene 2.
argh, i think 3/i is so cute.
we are such a weird combination.
always maing teachers laugh with our mad attitude.
HAHA.

haha. i was going through some choir seniors photos when they were young, i was laughing non-stop.
omg. they looked so weird. HAHA. so cute okay.

you know what?
my buddy had two juniors.
me and lizard.
and lizard was always the outstanding one.
always doing well in auditions and being a leader in choir in sec 2.
and i was always the slacker. the rebel.
i guess, i'm nothing compared to her.
and now, i've funally shown my buddy that i can be as good.
i hope she's proud of me.
haha. like she'll ever come here.

sec fours!! good luck for prelims.
hope you do well! and of course, when you do, must buy me a treat cause it was my good luck that helped you.
HAHAHA. kidding.

reply tag:
GS: hahaha. what VOT? hahaha. your voice is high. hahs. to me at least. and elle. eating lollipop is never troublesome. lollipops are NICE. a bit ego is an understatement of the century dude. haha. and since when did you become french? zee? hahaha. typical advice huh. considering you're you. compliment ehs. x)

((:

2006-08-23T19:30:00.000+08:00

to gs: thanks for the chocolate. although it was all melted and.....yar.
and the letter was beautiful.
although i know after saying this, your ego's gonna expand even more.

hahaha. so funnaye.

i haven't gotten over it yet.its my mum's birthday today. i made her a card even though i said i wouldn't.

guess i still need time.

guessed i love her too much.
i stayed up till two kay.
and now i'm supposed to be studying physics.
but then again. i cannot be bothered because i'm so sick of studying.
haha. oh wells.

gs has influenced me a great deal.
i'm so ego now. sheesh.
but of course, no one can be compared to her.
HAHAHA. cause she's too ego. (x

choir was alright.
i mean, its so dead now.
what more with the comments we heard. well. i shall just shuddup for now.

and YOU. haha. your voice is so high.
so err. unfitting for you DAO look.
HAHA. anyways, i'll give you your letter on monday kays.
and you can reply after your prelims since i'm OH SO nice.

elle, thanks for the stickers.
i'm still wondering what to buy for our dearest gs.
HAHAHA. you want a lollipop?

oh yeah, i forgot.
you think its troublesome to hold it there,
HAHAHA. lame.

reply tags:
qixuan: do you know why i love you? because you're such a GREAT friend. seriously. i miss choral ex dearly. i miss the people and now i can't even see them cause i can't go to the chalet. my mum thinks i will like go into a make-out session with one of the boys there. toopid lar.

stupid.

2006-08-21T14:31:00.000+08:00

i seriously can't stand my mother sometimes.
like what the hell is her problem.
at first she was fine with me going for the chalet.
and now she said i can't go if cedar girls not going.
like WHAT THE F*UCK?

who says cedar girls going, that means all is safe?
you mean, you can't even trust me enough?
WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MAKE YOU NOT TRUST ME?
everyday, i go home and study.
all my life i have been doing that.
i have never asked for things.
i have never kept secrets from you.
all i want now is to go to the chalet and be with my friends, izzit so bloody difficult?
you mean. i can't have any social life?
i'm not asking for alot.
i just want to get in touch with my friends.
thanks alot.

i mights as well don't go.
anyway, the rest may not be going.
so i can just use that time and do what i've always been doing. to F*UCKING study.
thats the only thing i seem to do anyway.
I WILL NEVER CONFIDE IN HER AGAIN.
NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN.
if i don't deserve her respect and her trust, SHE DOESN'T DESERVE MINE.
she can say goodbye to all those times when i would tell her things.

she is never going to be close to me again.
she is never going to have an access to my heart.
SHE IS NEVER GOING TO BE MY MOTHER AGAIN.
i'll just treat as someone i HAVE to respect.
nothing more. no love at all.
its all thanks to her that our relationship is broken.
well, she can go congratulate herself because i'm NEVER telling her everything that has been going on in my life.
even if she wants to know what's happening in her daughter's life, FAT SHIT HOPE.

i just wished i had another mother. or rather for my dream to come true.
i just wish i have someone who cares for me.
who trusts me when all i have ever been doing is to try and make her proud.

anyways, looking on the bright side, i don't have to celebrate her birthday.
i'll just wish her and get on with my life.
i'm not getting her a card.
and i'm not getting her a present.
i can save time to STUDY.
but this time, its for the other people who can TRUST me and LOVE me.
she can be alone with herself and f*ucking suspisions.

ehhs.

2006-08-20T19:01:00.000+08:00

i'm blogging two times in a day.
cause i just had to say something that i so conveniently forgot.
i cannot believe i forgot about it so quickly.
wtf is wrong with me?

i wish you never said it.
i wish i could just carry on without knowing it.
now that the truth has been revealed, i cannot carry on.
i simply cannot.
with those few words you said to her, you crashed my hopes.
my everything.

you told them to do their best.
but you knew it was a lost cause.
and you lied. you lied to us.
to the whole god damn choir.
WHY?
THANKS A LOT.
you just gave us a great deal of motivation.
you make me want to quit.
to give this whole thing up.
we're trying but you don't know.
you don't know how many times these people cried.
YOU DON'T KNOW CAUSE YOU DON'T CARE.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH THESE PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOU BUT MAKE YOU PROUD.
you don't know a damn thing.
you don't know how much it hurts.
you don't know how much i cried because of it.

we're trying so hard.
and i'm even changing myself just to be a better person to help lead the choir.
to help do my part.
to help make you proud.
its the only thing that keeps us going every single session.
the hope of bringing a smile to your face if we ever get gold with honours again.
but it seems like our efforts are useless.
every f**king single one.
cause now, things will be different.
we no longer have the motivation. the hope.
i can no longer go to choir with a smile on my face.
i can no longer find joy in performing.
because i just found out no one gives a damn. not at all

i always say that it was because of you that i changed for the better.
because of you that i became more confident.
and that we owe you for every single thing we achieved as a choir and as an idividual.
but how can you turn your back on us at the very last minute?
you don't know how much pain you caused us when you announced that you were going away to study.
we were happy for you. really. we were.
but in the end, we find out that everyhting was fake.
EVERY SINGLE THING WAS A LIE.
and that email you sent, was it another one of your lie?
was it?
they cried when they read it. because they believed that you genuinely cared for this.
and i went home with a smile on my face. my stomach all fuzzy.
but it was fake, wasn't it?

how are we supposed to tell the choir?
how? how are we supposed to keep the mask on.
how are we gonna prevent ourselves from breaking down.
it isn't easy. it was never easy.
you made it more difficult.

leaders, i know how you feel.
i just wished i could have gone back to choral ex.
when we had nothing to worry about.
no need to worry about the current state of our choir.
no need to worry about stupid things.
it was just us, our beloved conductor and the common passion for singing.
if it was so simple now...
oh god, now i'm crying again.
i miss choral ex so much. the concern and pride that mrs wilson showed us was unbelievable.
to think that we only spent a few days with her, we're grown so much closer than we ever thought we could be.
and yet she showed so much more than what you have shown in my two and half years in cedar.
i guessed you're not much better than her.
and to think that we actually speak good of you.
we were so wrong.
i was so wrong.

how could you do it to us?
HOW?
why. why did you just turn your back on us?
did we disppoint you that much?
did we mean nothing to you at all?
DID WE NOT HAVE A PLACE IN YOUR HEART?
did all those times we spent not good enough for you?
you were our motivation.

walking dictionary. haha. funnaye.

2006-08-20T17:36:00.000+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE!

i'm in a very good mood today.
cause i just heard a very good joke.
my friends just said that my cousin very cute.
hahahaha.
cause he came to cedar to come perform magic tricks.
for the cedar family games day.
then he asked my friends if they knew who i was.
and tada, now everyone know my cousin's a magician.
who just REFUSES to tell me his tricks.
which can be so irritating.
hahahaha.

oh, should i put his no. here?
or his hotmail or his address?
btw, he's sixteen. and his name is marcus.
so in other words, a good match.
just don't come gushing to me about how handsome he is,
cause i'll start puking.
then you all can go stalk him and irritate him for me.

anyways, i just found that some people can be so dao yet so funnaye.
hahaha. i wonder who gs is? *smirks
hahaha. okay. such crap.

oh, gs, if you're reading this,
you're so lame. hahahha. and you're so gross.
cause you're taking a long time to reply my letter.
just like elyana who takes months to reply letters.
walking dictionary, gs? aiya, got better names?
like err. imbecile?
hahahahhaha
of course you can walk perfectly fine, if not, you won't be err. in your cca.
hahah. okay crap.
anyways, if you don't want to be our ahems, its fine.
cause elle thinks you agreed begrudgingly. so yeah.
we're very nice people.
and don't worry, i won't poke you.
at least not too much. HAHA.

i have decided to reply people's tags again.
hahaha.
okay. so the one above is to the very 'anonymous' gs.

rawker partner: i tell you ah! i'm the most siwen one okay! i'm very lady-like one! haha. you like my cousin ah? i'll be sure to tell him that. but then i'm afraid his ego will expand like mad.
hanistar: hello. stop poking me. only i can poke people hahaha. and somemore you always choose to poke me at very err. funny times. like in front of seniors. i know whats your intention. you want me to embarrass myself right?
cow: thanks dear. i lurb you too. hahaha.
elle: its your turn to cheer up. so do cheer up. or i'll get gs to poke you. ((:
and to the rest, i'm too lazy to reply so yeah. ahahhaha. sorry. (X

laaaaadeeedums

2006-08-16T20:27:00.000+08:00

i haven't blogged in ten days!! hurry. come congratulate me!!

hahaha. okay. that was crap.
i just found out that a certain someone is so lame.
hahaha. maybe this CERTAIN SOMEONE is reading this blog entry now.
hahahahha. so funnaye.

okay. i'm finally going crazy.
cause i walked into a wall the other day and i haven't been normal ever since.
i talk to myself. and i keep hearing people calling me.
weird. ohmygosh. I TALK TO MYSELF!!!!!
oh wells, thats me i guess.

oh. you know what, i passed my e maths!! yay. 51/100.
thats like so cool. hahaha. and i'm officially a mosquito.
instead of calling me yu wen, my chinese teacher calls me yi wen.
-.- like wth?

anyways, nothing much has been happening.
i think today's one of the most interesting days so far.
during the period before recess, there was some insects which i didn't bother finding out what flying at the classroom block.
there was a whole swarm of them.
and so the sec three level went to close all the windows and doors.
but the stupid insects didn't seem to be going away so during recess, ms naya and this guy came up to spray some stupid thing at the insects.
the insects flew to every class and when they were trying to enter my class, the man went to spray this smelly stuff at them.
and the insects went away to the other side of our classroom.
we had a shock when the other side which was the old folks home area had those insects flying around there, we frantically ran to close all the windows.
unfortunately for us, the other side still had a few of those insects so we had to close all our windows and suffocate.
hahahahaha. i was secretly hoping that they evacuate us and like let us go home early so i don't have to sit for those blasted tests.
in the end, we didn't.
in fact, we had to remain in the classroom with the insects just right outside our classroom.
i think they were bees. at least thats what my friends told me.

i hope you recieved your letter.
its so nice lar.
hahahahha.

and i got my blasted period. AGAIN.
last month, it came two times and it just ended in early august.
and now it's back.
i'm feeling so weak and ill.
so i sat down for 4 hours for choir practice. and do nothing.
it bored me so much. but finally practice ended.
what a darn relief.

okay. there's nothing much actually.
just a couple of break-downs and a few thoughts on commiting suicide.
a rather big improvement in my opinion.
oops. gotta go.

ta. love you all. take many care.

BBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

dead

2006-08-06T19:00:00.000+08:00

ohmygosh.
you read it, didn't you?
don't think i don't know. i have many contacts everywhere in the school.
okay. bullshit. but why didn't you tell me?

do you know anything?
and how the hell did you come across my blog?
and if have any doubts, you may ask me.
cause those things mentioned in my past entries are not accurate.
ahh.

mann. at least you could have told me you read my blog and leave a message or something.
pfft. well, have fun at my blog.
i doubt you would.

quite relaxed

2006-08-02T22:21:00.000+08:00

haha. today got two tests. e maths and chemistry.
didn't study much for e maths though. was too busy studying chem. haha
barbie would be proud!
but still, the tests very difficult. fail liao.
i just hope even if i did fail at least 45%. if not. die sia.
like the geog test. 30% only. ahh.

today had choir auditions. in front of the conductor.
very waste money lor. we waste like 1 hour of the time lar.
stupid can. i passed. if not very malu leh.
can you imagine a sec 3 failing auditions?
haha. my chinese oral sucks.
haha. they give us this stupid question.

my birthday's tomorrow. i'm not really excited.
i'm not looking forward to it at all.
haha. but it'll be great to recieve presents.
if i recieve any at all that is.
i've finally catching up with my work.
but still got lots to catch up on.
haha. meet the parents session.
got mrs loy. die lar.
hahaha. she'll tell my mum and dad how bad i did for geog.

pfft. i'm kinda coping with secretary work. thoigh most of the times, i have to sleep late just to rush it out.
but its kinda fun. and i still got my mum helpng me since i'm quite hopeless at computer stuff.
and i got my wonderful friends.

ahem rocks. ahem's brother rocks.
mrs wilson rocks too.
sorry, random.
i miss choral ex so much.
ahh. i still can't get over the fact that its over.
nv mind, we'll meet each other again at the chalet.
and we can spend the whole night singing como.
hahaha. and the drunken sailor.

congrats to the OALs. hope you all liked your post and are happy.
jessica. campcraft. funny. very.
and, eh, don't be sad kay?
you still have many chances.
and we'll always support you in your every decision.

i hope muu likes her birthday present. hahahahahaha

back again

2006-07-28T19:11:00.000+08:00

i know i haven't blogged for long but i've been EXTREMELY BUSY. catching up and stuff. you won't believe how much homework i have over the last few days. and i still haven't finished yet. so i honestly have no idea why i'm here.
actually there's CHOIR FOUR dinner today. but because my mum doesn't trust me with boys, i cannot go. she thinks i'm gonna develop feelings for the boys. -.-

and so since SOPHIA and YUN MIN not going, i'm not.
okay i'm supposed to blog about the choral fest thingy.
it was great. thats it. cause i haven't admitted to myself that its over.
i miss it so darn much. i mean, the feeling singing with CHOIR FOUR is like. yar.
okay. i really can't describe it. but when you're singing with these WONDERFUL, TALENTED people, you can feel their passion for the music. ahh. i miss our songs. drunken sailor, como compongo and the japanese song.
and i know almost everyone didn't know the lyrics. haha.
but i know! i'm so smart!

i miss mrs wilson. and the acjc alumni choir.
they made things so much more fun. i remember the time we first sang the songs, it sounded horrible and almost every part we didn't sing cause we lost our pitch. but at the final performance, we did great! and WE DIDN'T RUSH!
CHEERS FOR CHOIR FOUR.

i miss the people in choir four, although i didn't get to mingle much. but i'm kind of anti-social.
and its like my first time talking to guys and stuff. since i've been to a girls school for err. coming to 9 years already?
i still can't believe that we're not getting back together to sing again.
i miss the feeling. i really do.
and now i'm gonna cry cause i MISS IT SO GOD DAMN MUCH.
choral ex gave me something to look forward to in life. with it gone, my life's so lifeless. so uninteresting.
choral ex gave me a chance to forget about my troubles at school, it gave me a chance to really live.
it gave me a chance to smile again. so now you know how much it means to me?

and i failed my geog test. got 3/10. so pro right.
and my english marks are like SHIT. i've NEVER EVER gotten so low for english before.
i think mr lam's against me. or i'm stupid. simple.
maybe i was too complacent. haiz.

so much things have happened in the days that i didn't blog about.
first is the fact that i'm feeling much better cause a certain someone has stopped ignoring me.
thank you. and that my seniors gave me a BIG lollipop which i don't dare to eat.
later eat no more. then cannot show off to people and make them jealous.
and i'm infactuated with straws. don't believe ask my friends. i treat those straws from the bookshop like their so fragile. and i get annoyed when they become bent.
somemore, i don't allow people to touch my straw cause i scared they bent it. in the end, i went to destroy it.
i've finally went mad.
but straw are fasicinating kay!

and there's that thing about secretary work.
ms jou asked me to give her the cca records for all 8O memebers. i mean 8 O. EIGHTY.
and she gave me a dateline. you know when? the next day.
i nearly died kay.
i stayed up to TWO to finish it.
then i didn't study for my literature test.
so if i'm gonna score badly for that one, i'm gonna cry. really.

and qixuan, i've got something to say.
you're putting yunmin in a very difficult position by not setting a good example.
i may not be the best person to say this since i don't exactly set a good example for juniors but seriously, think about yunmin. and i'm trying. VERY HARD.
you know what i'm talking about. the juniors are asking. its not long before the teachers hear about it.
yeah. yunmin's really upset.

i probably got lots more to say.
which is the ndp rehearsal. uniform group is so DARN COOL.
see them march and especially our friends who are commanding and marching. so proud of them!
then saw chief raise flag. ah. cool sia. i wonder how's like to be chief?
hahaha. i'm talking crap again.
i just hope she dorsn't come across this blog.
AND I DON'T LIKE HER KAY?
i like someone else. A GUY. so i'm absolutely straight.
i need to pee now. so i shall go.

i wonder if this is a long post.
oh wait, i don't really care. -.-

happy

2006-07-17T14:31:00.000+08:00

i'm happy today. really for once.

yeah right.
i was just lying my ass off.
but i feel better.
maybe thats an improvement.
the overseas choir is so cool.
the singers have really strong voices and perfect pitch i tell you!
especially the girl sitting next to me,
i'm not sure whats her name.
izzit katherine or catherin? or whatever?
haha. she's like so pro.
she can sing low notes and high notes.
and all of them are really friendly.
i think there are some who are really pretty as well.
okay. i've finished talking shit.
i shall go now.

BYE.

regrets

2006-07-15T00:20:00.000+08:00

do you know how freaking demoralised i am now?

i feel so pathetic.
and you people say its alright.
but who would you all know.
you were given a chance to study higher mother tongue.
i had to fight with the whole cohort to try to get into the only EM1 class.
obviously i failed.
you think its so easy.
to always be constantly reminded EVERYDAY that i'm only studying normal chinese.
and that i can never minus two points off my aggregate?
or that my chinese is bad?

monday, choral excellence.
all sec threes will be going to school for listening compre except me.
i bet almost everyone would have gone.
thanks. like i needed the reminder.
and could you be any more insensitive to my feelings?
like i wasn't feeling bad enough.

i regret that i didn't study hard enough.
i wish i was given a chance.
and you people complain about higher mother tongue like everyday,
when there are some people who don't even get a chance.
to those who takes higher mother tongue,
don't try to understand how's its like to take express chinese,
or to understand how demoralising it is,
because i know for a fact that you wouldn't understand.

there are some people who may think express chinese is not that bad.
but those who know me will know that i want to do my best
and to show those who think their so great that their just pieces of shit.

sorry for this senseless rant.
i needed to get some things off my chest.
and to let SOME PEOPLE know that they could have been more SENSITIVE to my feelings.
i don't need you to rub it in because i constantly remind myself about how freaking stupid i am.

some people deserve to die

2006-07-13T22:44:00.000+08:00

i'm in a pissy mood.
maybe its because of the injustice done to performing arts group.
we're like looked down upon.
and if singapore wants to promote arts, they better do something about the teachers who think SPORTS IS EVERYTHING.
f**k it lar.
the whole point of not jogging is because we don't wanna sweat right?
but some people just had to make us walk in the bloody hot sun.
if it were SPORTS cca, they wouldn't care.
and here is cedar announcing that track & field and choir are their two best ccas?
we don't get the freaking honour.
we're treated like dirt.
you think choir is easy? WELL THINK AGAIN.
you don't know how hard it is maybe because you people who think SPORTS IS EVRYTHING are such imbeciles.
ARGH!!!! i mean, if ms chye hadn't fought for our rights, you think we would have even gotten GOLD WITH HONOURS???
like hello? we get gold with honours, and what we get in return?
shit. TOTALLY SHIT!
if these people think sports is everything, then so be it.
but when arts become more popular, don't come crying back to us.
these people are such idiots okay?
i feel really upset over the injustice done to us.
maybe we shouldn't even try so hard, what for?
no one's gonna care, are they?
maybe we should just embarrass the school or something.

stupid lar.
the performance was okay lar.
except i didn't get flowers. haha. not funny.
i wonder when our sec four concert (if we have one), would i recieve flowers from my dearest friends.
forgive me but i doubt so.
i know because you have already shown that you only care about yourself and being f**king rude.
you know what? I F**KING HATE YOU!
you think you're all that, going around making people feel small.
let me tell you something, the world DOESN'T revolve around your f**king face.
oh gosh. i should calm down.

i'll miss the sec fours, especially the ones that i'm closer to.
like yingwai the cow, fiona the one who's VERY crazy and novabelle of course.
i wonder how it would be like when they are no longer in choir.
it'll be so lonely without them. and no more fun.
no more laughing at their stupidness and madness.
no more talking to them.
i'm really gonna miss them alot.

and to someone,
i've drifted away from you.
i hope you realised that.
its not that i no longer treat you as a friend.
but i just don't feel comfortable around you anymore.
i'm sorry kay.
i still love you though.

stupid stupid me

2006-07-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

i studied like mad for a chemistry test.
okay, maybe not like mad.
but its quite alot.
i even studied until one last night.
then just now, i found out from azizah,
that we have no chemistry test.

WONDERFUL!!!!

evidence as to how dumb i can get.
ARGH. pissed. i could have used the time to do other things.
like serving the net and talking to my cousin.
sheesh. this is really stupid.

anyways, i just wanted to tell my dear friends who actually frequent this blog how kuku i am.
no wonder my name's kukuleng.

i wish you all understand.
that i'm not what i seem like.
don't expect much from me.
it'll kill me knowing i can never fufill what you want of me.
i'm not your perfect person.
i have my faults. many actually.
and i have feelings too.
i don't want to keep crying because of you.
but you just seem to spoil my day everytime.
maybe you're doing it on purpose.
or maybe you don't even know what you're doing.
whatever it is, please stop hurting me.
the pain is too much for me to bear.
you're my friend....or are you not?

shocked doesn't descibe much

2006-07-05T17:53:00.000+08:00

i'm still in a state of shock.
i'm officially freaked out.

now, i have to be all guai.
i must be NICE to juniors.
i mean, i don't mind being nice to them.
but they gotta respect me too.
i mean, if you give me the respect i want, i will treat you like my friend

and i don't think i'm capable.
if i let you down, i won't be able to smile again.
you're giving me stress.

what if i can't cope.
oh my, i really need your help this time.
my friends, please help me.

i'll try to remain in that position.
but if i'm not up to it, please don't blame me.
i have stage-fright.
or people fright.
i certainly can't speak in front of the choir.

buddha, help me.
give me the courage to overcome these obstacles.

and i'm still on probation.
fantastic.

but still thank you for the chance.
we'll see where life take me.

haha. i'm still shocked.

happy birthday susmitha.

time is what i need

2006-07-01T15:35:00.000+08:00

i was lying in my bed the other day and i sort of thinking some stuff.

i think i'm being emo.
cool huh?

i've gotten over my infactuation.
just that i think he's really cute.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
i will not go crazy about him
until i see him again.
which is never.
cause he'll remind me how cute he is.
'he gets cuter each day'
i still remember that sophia.

i can't wait for choral excellence.
i miss it so damn much.
its so fun to sing with people who really have a passion for singing.
not just singing because they have to.
the feeling with singing in our school's choir and choral excellence choir is very much diferent
though i do enjoy being with my friends in choir.
its like people in choral ex actually love singing.
and they are proud of being able to sing.
haiz, if we can learn songs in just two practices, i don't see why cedar choir can't.
ms chye is leaving us.
we have one performance without a conductor,
we're getting a conductor i've never heard before,
we have SYF coming up.,
and ms chye won't be there to help us,
but despite all this, i know we can do it.
we'll not disappoint ms chye,
and we shall clinch gold with honours,
and bring glory to our school.
we shall make cedar girls' choir known.

and i hope ms chye will feel proud.
perservere. perservere. persevere.
and the current sec threes, we all have a difficult task which is to maintain the standard.
lets set good examples and work hard to our goal kay?

i haven't been studying hard.
and listening attentively.
don't know what's wrong with me.
i feel another depression coming soon.

you know how i feel.
but why aren't you making it better.
you're my friend right?
i need your comfort.
i need your friendship.

and i need you.

some random rubbish

2006-06-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

you know, my posts aren't philosophical.
but i don't have a brain for nothing.
i do have many thoughts.
and most of them i don't understand.
and sometimes i find myself thinking why i am thinking about a certain thing in the first place.

i've never blogged about it before.
maybe because of my immense lack of vocabulary.
but its hard to keep everything inside.
but i simply don't know how to say.

i catch myself thinking about things like jc life.
when i have to leave my friends.
its really sad to think about it.
what if we drift apart?
you guys are my life and i can't live without you all.
and i just realised i've drifted away from some of you.
and i stay up at night just to think about it.
i pray that our friendship will survive.
it doesn't seem like it, does it?

i hate myself.
and i think i'm in love. how?
maybe not love. maybe just a crush.
or just an infactuation.

i want to see him.
you know it ain't gonna happen.
i find myself yearning to see him.
weird isn't it?

you know, you never treasure something until its gone.
and i treasure all the times we had.
but no matter how much i treasure them,
i feel as if i didn't treasure them enough.
and now its gone.

i don't like this feeling.
it seriously sucks.
i think if anyone knows who i'm talking about, they would laugh.
its just absurd for me to even like him in the first place.

i don't like him.
cause he's too cute.
damn him.
damn it all.

i'm starting to like boys.
and i shudder to think about it.

why can't we never grow up?
we'll always be stuck in our fantasy island.
thinking everything is alright.
not having to worry about anything.

there's probably more stuff on my mind.
but i don't think its wise to let you all know.
besides, you all wouldn't care, would you?

lalalala

2006-06-23T13:10:00.000+08:00

hello people!!
just got back from choral excellence. in my mum's office now.
waiting for my mum to finish so i can have lunch with my parents and brother.
my face still have that allergy reaction but its better.
the red patch seem to have faded a little.

yeah. elle came over my house for three days.
and we danced for 13 hours. fascinating ah?
very. and we had a dirty conversation in the middle of the night.
after that when we went to sleep, we couldn't stop laughing.
AHAHAHAHAHA! i still remember that elle.

choral excellence was quite fun. though my legs and arms were aching like shit.
and the guys were DAMN cute. the david guy and his 'brother'
their like so pro in singing. haha. and they are so cute. haha.
david was really nice today. haha. he normlly scolds us if we don't sing well.
tomorrow there's another practice.
can't wait. ((:

and i'm not crazy over AHEMS. i've made friends with her.
can u believe how dumb that guy is?
he kept looking at her. and he's not that good-looking.
pray nobody who's mention here sees this.
and ailing? stop scratching your mosquito bites. it ain't good.
and ann, admit it. go see him lar.
maybe you can be his girlfriend.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

anyways. i'm so happy today. love you all!

reply tags:
ruiwen: AHH!! that guy is so darn cute. it isn't like me to be crazy over guys. DAMNS.
elle: obviously shit is censored. since its not exactly a good word. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! i still remember that night kay. gosh! love you many many. and you left mr lamb here, you stupid gundu!

long time huh?

2006-06-19T21:58:00.000+08:00

i haven't been blogging much because i was so busy with tuition and stuff. you wouldn't believe how much tuition i have. but i haven't much choice if i want to improve. my marks are like shit. as in really shit. its time i buck up. i better start studying if i wanna score 6 points for o levels which i know is quite impossible.

well. i went to Bangkok for three days. its quite alright except its bloody hot. like an OVEN. and clever me brought jeans. so i was pratically roasting. but the shopping is fine. but i didn't have the mood for it. felt like something's missing. yeah. maybe with some stupid stuff on my mind. wishyouwakeupsoonandtellmeitsalright. thenwecanbehowweeverusedtobe.i tkillsmeknowingthatthisfriendshipisjustabunchoflies.
i didn't buy much things. just some clothes. sorry to those who i promised a gift to. i couldn't find anything suitable there. its some thai souvenirs which i don't think you'll appreciate. nothing much happened. met denise from choir on the way home. haha. she was on the same flight somemore. haha. so concidental.

main purpose of going to bangkok was to pray. for my family and for my studies. and during that time, i finally realise something. i haven't been appreciating my father much. he has always been there for me and put me above everything. he loved me very much and tries to make me happy but i have never shown him my appreciation. he must have felt hurt by my actions. and i feel guilty. i can never understand myself. andihatemyself. i'm not your perfect girl. i'm just a f**king useless and pathetic idiot.

and i remembered how i hurt my grandmother last time. god, i'm such a bitch. i shouted at her over some stupid thing when i was quite young. i even made her cry. why did i do it? i don't know why and it kills me to know i hurt her deeply. and i regret it so much. but my tears can never mend that scar. and i think, why would she still care so much about me? why didn't god punish me? i'm not a filial daughter. i'm like a demon. tell me, who makes their grandmother cry?

tellme,doyouhatemetoo? causeihatemyself. andevenmoresonwhenyouignoreme.

reply tags:
elle: miss you lots too. hope you had a nice time in malaysia. i can't wait too. its tomorrow. OHMYGOD! ITS TOMORROW!!!
roslynn: i don't like you that much. stop being so ego. haha. hoped you had fun today. i had lots of fun. and i'm the shortest now. wahliao.
susmitha: have i mentioned that you are weird? yes. they rock. and you would look lovely with them. haha
lichu: you're only saying that cause i smell nice. haha. nice seeing you too. love ya!
acasius: you can't believe that i didn't have a blog? izzit really hard to believe? missed you lots too. and you have grown so tall. make me look so short!
esther: did you have fun? haha. its bloody hot, ain't it? and you pang-seh me! stupid lar. i was so totally bored.
hanis: i'm so scared. -_-''' could you been anymore lame? entertain you? you didn't just ask me to do that, did you?
sarahJ: hello! yes, you never talk to me. sad lar. you don't like me izzit? haha. take care too.

just stuff

2006-06-10T21:21:00.000+08:00

something's bothering me. but i have no idea what it is.
i should be feeling happy. with my homework cleared and my days are packed with activities and stuff.
maybe i'm worrying about senseless things which aren't really sensless. lke the physics test.
i haven't started studying. i'm planning to after blogging. or maybe do some e maths for practice.

i do miss you. i wish you knew.

but i can't simply say it to your face, can i?

you saw me crying that day, why didn't you come comfort me?

why did you ignore me and pretend i wasn't there when you knew i was.

i wish i knew what happened that day. and i know you don't really remember.

i wish i knew what happened to our close friendship or if you ever considered me a friend of yours?

why did we drift away from each other? izzit something i did?

did i offend you? i wish i knew so i can change.
causeitsreallyhurtingmedeepdown.

reply tags:
hanis: did you have a hidden meaning cause i swear it sounds kind of evil. but then you ARE DM. i have to get used to it. you aren't only ego for once, its like everytime.
gracemary: you better do it fast or i'll.....................BITE!
wanling: i miss you so and our crappy days last year.

stupid

2006-06-07T18:55:00.000+08:00

i feel dumb.
as in REALLY dumb.

i woke up at 7.45 today. cause i thought i have choir practice. then i went to school. got scolded in the car ride for being rude. which according to my mother, i'm rude like all the time. pfft. went to school and saw no choir member at the foyer. so i thought they were at the different places hiding from ms chye. so i walked around the school.
LIKE AN IDIOT.
finally, i conclude that i have mistaken the date for choir practices. aren't i clever? so after much debating, i decided to call my mother to discuss my pathetic situation. then called elle. at first she couldn't go then she could. which is really fascinating if she didn't make me wait for more than 2 hours. really. i sat there until my butt pain can. i did my chinese homework while waiting for elle to get to school.

at twelve o' clock when elle decided to arrive, we went off to pp mac and ate. and i saw grace. my ex choir vice-president who loves to make my life miserable. i hope she doesn't see this. she was like giving me that look and called me in that voice.
i'm so suay can?
saw farhana and her two friends there too. haha. anyways. we went national library and walked two rounds and there were NO tables. which got me extremely pissed since i gotta do ALL of my homework by today. we stopped at a couch and there was a group of secondary two pupils sitting at the table. their bags were on the couch. me and elle took five minutes to pluck up corage to ask them if we could use the table. pathetic.
we took two over hours to do english compre. during that time we saw ex-cedarians like the ncc fadilah and some other ncc person. then we saw two red-cross people there. fascinating. and the ncc ex-cedarians were like looking at me and smiling because i was in school uniform. and i don't know them. oh, we saw N2 too. haha

after our english was finally done, i did ss and elle did bio. went home at 4.30 haha.

i like going library to do homework. its good and at least i do get some work done.
elle, you better thank me. you finished english because you do with me kay?

reply tags:
elle: I'M NOT CHIO LARS. please. if i'm chio, the ugliest person in the world is extremely drop dead gorgeous. tsk. i'm not a patient at mental hospitals. you are. i'm perfectly fine and SANE.
wanling: RAWKER PARTNER!!! i miss you so much. irritating you with my 'beautiful' voice. i like.
marli: its hello. not HALLOOOOOO. haha. hello.
jessica: I DON'T LIKE YOU. you tag at elle's blog and said you love her. NEVER SAY YOU LOVE ME!!!!

stabbed?

2006-06-06T17:24:00.000+08:00

hahs. i feel so happy recently. mainly because we cleared all misunderstandings. and my friends cheer me up a great deal.

and i was stabbed to do something. which is really fascinating.
The rules: Bold the statements that are true to you. Italise the statements that you WISH are true. Leave the Fibs alone. Then, stab 5 people to do the same test. oh and i added some stuff. ignore them if you like, its for my entertainment.

I miss somebody right now. (my wonderful friends)
I dont watch TV these days. (like as if)
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games. (i'm not a boy)
I've tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome. (a foursome would be better. hurrs)
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes. (what i meant is i curse all the time)
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. (for what?)
I'm TOTALLY smart. (if i was, everyone would be geniuses)
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes. (all the time)
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. (those that did plastic surgery look fake)
I need money right now. (yeah. to buy presents)
I love sushi. (i only like the rice though)
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling. (one irritating vbrother is enough)
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way i look. (yeah, if i looked twice as pretty as i do now)
I am usually pessimistic. (very)
I have a lot of mood swings. (no comments)
I have a hidden talent. (i can only eat and sleep. are those hidden talents?)
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends. (pfft. if it happens, pigs can fly)
I am currently single. (duh.)
I have pecked someone of the same sex. (what the?)
I enjoy talking on the phone. (you mean i can't live without talking on the phone?)
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. (if i were in a cold country)
I love to shop. (thats quite an understatment)
Enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop then eat. (unless i have money)
I don't hate anyone. (only have immense dislike for someone)
I'm a pretty good dancer. (i look like a cow dancing)
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. (unless she's being embarrassing which is quite often)
I have a cell phone. (who doesn't?)
I believe in God. (i guess)
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before. (does a girl count?)
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future. (im not sure)
I have changed a diaper before. (eww)
I've called the cops on a friend before. (i need the cops to take elyana to the mental hospital. she's driving me crazy)
I'm not allergic to anything. (dust?)
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before. (disgusting)
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. (i'm not that low)
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends. (eh. let me think about it)
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. (considering i only tried pizzas made by them)
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. (though i love my special scandal)
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys. (at least i'm not obsessed with girls. remember bunny?)
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met. (i never really notice how people tie shoelaces. there are more interesting things to look at, you know?)
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can. (i hate it)
I have jumped off a bridge. (does climbing up and down a bridge from the river count?)
I love sea turtles. (i don't think i've seen any before)
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument. (yeah right.)
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules. (YES!)
I went college out of state.
I like sausages. (haha. reminds me of a dirty joke. haha)
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing. (which? the test or trying to do a backflip?)
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes. (thats cool)
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet. (yeah. and its irritating)
I talk(swear) in my sleep. (i guess so.)
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions. (i don't need to do that. i naturally foget eveything thats important)
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood. (absolutely no)
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo. (i want those sticker ones)
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsesical the better.
I'm an artist. (pfft)
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex. (i know someone who does!! bunny?)
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

reply tags:
ruiwen: hello.
susmitha: since when have i ever claimed him?
jesiska: you are one blur queen.
eileen: anything for you dearie. cheer up!
jessica: thanks for everything. listening to my endless shit. love my scandal truckload and lorryloads.
hanis: stop being so ego. haha. i know. DM loves pansey?
qixuan: you are one fantastic person. you cheer me up so much! haha. i get to see you this friday? WHOOTS! miss you lots too.